Nothing to Fear

A lot to gain

Once I was served an iced coffee by the husband of a friend in New York, and as I drained the last bit, a one-inch, dead cockroach landed on my tongue.

Yeah, I survived that. And yet, I am afraid of picking up a dust bunny and discovering that I am holding a centipede. And a lot of other stupid things.

I am so done with fear. That is my only resolution, not just for 2018, but for the rest of my life.

Maybe looking fear in the face is not always the straightest route to dominating it. Sometimes, putting yourself into fear situations unprepared (military battle, for example), can be traumatic and counterproductive. So, what does work?

I don’t think you can be honest about your fear if you don’t feel any compassion towards yourself. We hear about “compassion” a lot. Most of us think we have it. Even when we are constantly focused on our own deficiencies, and don’t feel “good enough.”

Why else would our stomachs be in knots when we see that guy we really like? Why else do we make excuses for not being successful?

I believe we all need time to be still and let our fear come out. We can watch it do its song and dance, full of what ifs and then whats. We need to understand that it is an emotional response. Creating the space to do this might be our first act of compassion.

Emotions are evolved mechanisms. Empathy is the expression of compassion. Some people, like sociopaths, don’t have empathy. You should be aware of them. (Maybe you work for one.) Empathy is a healthy emotion that we can only cultivate if we accept and are compassionate towards ourselves. Don’t you think that the natural extension is that we become empathetic towards others?

Courage is the ability to act on positive emotions. It’s not the opposite of fear; it is a decision not to be guided by fear. The key concept is guided. You can feel fear, accept your fear, love yourself in spite of your fear, but you don’t have to be guided by it. Recognizing an emotion, like fear, and acting in spite of it is courageous.

January is the month that looks both backward and forward. So I will say goodbye to some fears:

• That the love of my life dies.
• That my children are harmed in any way.
• That I don’t leave anything for them.
• That the world does not become a better place.
• That I become a burden to anyone else when sick.
• That I drive myself crazy with anxiety.
• That I am mediocre.

Maybe I can handle the centipedes after all, but for now I depend on the love of my life to squash them.

This is called gratitude. It fills the space where fear was.

What do you fear?