Ode to an old college apartment balcony
In life there are things that come and go. Things that you miss and things that you are thankful are no more. I was faced with two of those things quite recently - I am immensely thankful that I am finally done with college, at the same time I will terribly miss my old college apartment’s balcony.
I was in my second year of college when I decided to move out of the on-campus housing to someplace more comfortable and private. I have always needed my own space. While I do not hate the company of people, I would much prefer if every human interaction had a time-limit associated with it. You see those memes of introverts on the internet?
Yeah thats me. After any prolonged interaction with other human beings, I needed a healthy break. This was not an option in the on-campus housing provided by the college, because you had to share the room with two other people. It was a nightmare.
Picking the right set of people to live with is also an art in itself. Living with extroverts is a proper nuisance. Every other minute or so they would try to strike a conversation with you. I have observed that being quiet for more than a few seconds at a stretch made extroverts somewhat antsy. When they were not trying to talk to you, they would instead be trying to drag you outside for some supposedly fun activity like dinner. I however, preferred having my meals alone with Netflix for company.
I somehow managed to find four suitably non-extroverted people and moved in with them. I finally got what I wanted, a room all to myself for me to sulk in, and independence. No hostel warden would tell me that its not ok to play AC/DC out loud on a powerful set of speakers at 3 in the morning while smoking a pack of cigarettes in the hallway. It was all I ever wanted. However, what I didn’t know I wanted back then, was a balcony with this view-
I came to fall in love with it. It was akin to my own personal nirvana. After a tiring day, I could come home to this beauty and just unwind. The place had a sense of quiet calm about it, all the worry and stress would slowly melt away.
Throughout the three years that I have lived in this place, that balcony has been a constant in my life. It has witnessed so many important firsts of my life. The first time I experimented with drugs, the first time I brought a girl home for the night, the first time I got a job, the first time I was able to buy stuff with money I earned! It has been as much a part of the college experience as anything else.
Now as I stand here for the very last time I am assaulted by an unstemmed barrage of memories, feelings and thoughts. It is all a jumbled mess, flavoured with a hint of nostalgia. I always found myself feeling wiser than usual whenever I sat in the balcony. Countless drunken nights spent here have taught me something- It is a very simple truth which I had always known, but only rediscovered recently. It is rather elegantly put by the Persian poet Omar Khayyám in one of my favorite poems of all time-
Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend,
Before we too into the Dust descend;
Dust into Dust, and under Dust to lie
Sans Wine, sans Song, sans Singer, and — sans End!Then to the lip of this poor earthen Urn
I lean’d, the Secret of my Life to learn:
And Lip to Lip it murmur’d — ‘While you live
Drink! — for, once dead, you never shall return.’Oh, threats of Hell and Hopes of Paradise!
One thing at least is certain — This Life flies;
One thing is certain and the rest is Lies;
The Flower that once has blown for ever dies.
The writer in me hopes that I could have put it as eloquently and esoterically as Khayyám did. Such is the skill of poets- weaving words together to elicit raw emotion. The core message of the poem is simple to grasp-
We get to live life only once. Might as well make the most of it.
As we get caught up in the ups and downs of life, we tend to forget this simple truth. Throughout college I have been told that the time to struggle is now. That once you are established and settled you can pursue your passion. We tend to hold of and wait and suffer through things rather than living. So engrossed we are in ensuring we don’t fall behind, that we begin to view life as a checklist of things to tick off. Sort of like a task list, with each task coming with its own deadline. A dreary way to live life, if you ask me.
We tend to deny ourselves happiness because we think that holding out for a bit more will eventually lead to more happiness in the future. Such a stupid notion. So many countless hours spent running after the wrong things. Happiness can only be found in the present or the past, never in the future.
The night before, as I was making my final rounds around the apartment complex, dropping by my friend’s houses to say my goodbyes, all the memories running through my head were of seemingly insignificant, small things. Not the times when I was working my ass off to score a few extra marks on a paper I don’t even remember the name of. Or the times I was balancing both a job and full-time college because I was desperate to have some work-experience before I graduated and would be thrown out rudely into the real world.
What I do remember is the small moments that do not count towards building a future, but rather go a long way in building a life well lived. That one time when I desperately stayed up all night writing a poem for a girl who I had a crush on, thinking I could impress her with poetry. Or the first time I tried LSD and thought the world was lit by a giant multi-colored disco ball. All the lazy Sunday afternoons I sat at the balcony thinking about my novel, waiting for inspiration to strike, because I was convinced I could make it as a writer. The evenings I would spend listening to an entire album on repeat from a band I just discovered whilst smoking a pot laden pipe. The hot summer nights when I would just stand there and feel the cool breeze on my face.
Watching the last sunrise from my balcony I am grateful that I still have a few hours before I had to leave the place forever. I could use its healing aura to come to touch with my latest cause for added depression. A breakup. I was too stupid to see what was right in front of me the whole time. Its funny how people only realize the true value of things only after they are no more. As I stand here, with a dull ache in my heart, I wish I could stay here for a bit longer. Maybe the balcony’s healing properties would work their magic on me. I really needed it.
But its too late, my phone rings and my Uber driver informs me that he is waiting. Its time to say goodbye to this place. This place that I have called home for the last three years. College has ended and the real world beckons. I’m not sure I’m entirely ready for it…
Did you like reading this? Did it make you stop and think?
