On Kickstarting Personal Growth
People keep telling you: “Just do what you’re dreaming of!“ It’s tiring. You’re trying to find your path in life, but it doesn’t seem to work. And instead of being helpful, this kind of advice makes you feel powerless. But I had an idea when my friend John told me about his worries.
It’s Wednesday morning and I’m in a busy university library. The slow progress of the scanner increasingly bothers me. John, a friend of mine, shows up and instead of finishing my fight with this stone age device he and I start to talk.
John and I both study medicine in the 5th year of a six-year program. We have strongly mixed feelings about what happens after we graduate. Each of us has their own reasons about that. John tells me that he can’t find a medical discipline he’s passionate about. He likes to learn about the topics in school, but he hates the work on the wards. The constant pressure in an encumbering and competitive medical environment is leading him to question his chosen path.
“How about not working as a physician?”, I ask. “That would be awesome“, he admits, “but I have no other skills.”
“Okay. What would you like to do instead?”, I reply. “I love writing and storytelling, so I’m thinking about journalism. But I haven’t written anything for years. Otherwise maybe something different, but I’m not sure yet.”
Finally, I ask: “What are you doing to find this alternative path?” He takes time to think, then goes: “You know, medicine is not too bad. Everyone else in my environment seems to enjoy it. Maybe I need more time and after a while, I will start to like it. It’s a good job, right?”
This is where he stops. He feels uncomfortable enough to question his situation. But not enough to seek an answer. A lot of common advice pushes him to do hard things, like “Change your friends!” or to “Just do it!” (thanks Nike). To ignore unreasonable doubts and go through with it. And often the little motivational spark doesn’t last. He’s not “doing it“, which makes him feel terrible.
To get a better sense about his situation I ask him about his friends. Most of his friends are medical students as well. They are all pursuing the typical paths to become surgeons, anesthesiologists etc. It’s a competitive and rigid environment. When he says, “Maybe I want to pursue an alternative path“, his friends answer: “Okay? Like what? Do you want to work for one of those big pharmaceutical companies?” Judging everything he does, it seems difficult for him to actually change something.
And that is his weak spot. It’s probably the weak spot of most of us. Being looked at, being judged, being laughed at: That’s tough.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” -Jim Rohn
So what advice should I give him? Find new friends? Forget everyone else and just do your own thing? Go out and find your passion? Ignore what your friends say and just have confidence in yourself?
Well, to me they all sound like terrible advice. The acknowledgement of his misery won’t get him started. He’s not that type of person and he’s not in that type of situation. Maybe most people aren’t.
“I create the world, how I want it to be.” -Astrid Lindgren’s Pippi Longstocking
I think you have the potential and opportunity to change everything, no matter what: Even though you can’t change everything right now, even though you can’t change your location, even though you like your friends but they’re interested in different things than you are and even though you find no inspiration for what you’re searching in your environment.
In the end, I tell him: “Maybe you can try and create an environment inside yourself that inspires you. Find people you find inspiring and read their blogs/books, watch their videos/talks or listen to their podcasts/online courses. Let them help you grow your mindset and find what you’re passionate about.“
I told him that, because when we finish high school most of us think we’re free and we can choose whatever we want to. But I feel this is not true. Before the 20th-century people were bound to their social class — today we’re bound to the accepted world view of our environment. The world gains a certain order through this. And this is usually great, but John is at a point where his worldview and his feelings and passion are not aligned.
As long as you’re not aware of your environment, it’s difficult to look outside of its comfort zone. Only when you realize this you can decide whether you want to change or wait for your surroundings to change.
The first step is to search for inspiration everywhere else than the people who surround you. Exchanging media is easy. Exchanging friends is hard.
Find inspirational novels, podcasts, TED talks, online courses, Blogs or Vlogs. Anything our connected world provides to your advantage. These can be your inspiring internal friends. They’ll help you change despite your rigid physical environment. Find anything that inspires you and seize it. I think it can give you the motivation and guidance to start the engine.
“None but ourselves can free our minds.” -Bob Marley
At the end, John says: “I’ll give it a try.”
