Sabbatical
I originally wrote this piece a couple months after Comatose Podcast stopped updating, thinking we were about to start it up again. It’s been many more since then and I have just now found the creative energy to release another episode.
I’m hesitant to speak of anything that resembles a schedule, but I’d like to share what my thoughts were then, and I’m hopeful to continue the project, even if it is no longer a weekly series.
And then I knew that the time had come. It wasn’t always the case, but sometimes you just know that it doesn’t feel right. That one thing that could have been more is lost and the magic spark that once inspired creativity is lost.
That’s what happened over the last month and a half.
I burnt out.
Or more accurately, I got tired of doing more than two thirds of the work that netted me nothing in return. That sounds selfish because it is. But that wears you down as the years pass by.
This wild ride started as a project of expression with the greatest of intentions. Music beds to lull you into a sleep as ideas pass you by quicker than the next rest area. It’s that traveling on the high way feeling that loses interest with each passing minute. Mile markers telling time as the months crawl by.
New episodes every week, but who’s even listening?
It felt like even I didn’t listen anymore. The expression that I once loved lost to the desperation of time lost, unwilling to change and love-locked.
And I’ll change the pace just to clarify a thing or two. I don’t write these things to be vague or strange, I write them to get my inner thoughts out. This is my real voice and if it sounds crazy, welcome to my head.
Another week had gone and I realized I had the power to do… nothing. It was magical and lifted so much weight off my heavy shoulders. I cannot emphasize enough how great that first week of giving up felt.
And no one cared.
No one.
Cared.
Not one person.
No one has said anything to me about the missing episodes of the lost pieces on The Coffeelicious
Why should I try so hard if it doesn’t matter to anyone?
If even I don’t even care anymore, what’s the point?
The show was a full-time job that didn’t earn me a cent in a time when more than anything, I needed a job. All that effort towards a lost cause seems beyond pointless.
It is beyond pointless.
It’s foolhardy and a waste of time and energy. I could be working on something more, something better, something that helps me in real life.
Unfortunately, I don’t like to give up. So I have no choice but to try and continue to strive for more in whatever capacity I can.
That will be the future of Comatose.
I hope to make it something more than a spin of good luck.
Written by John Bauer of Comatose.
Listen to Episode 154 — Sabbatical, Squire, and 2017:
Comatose is a weekly series of amusing anecdotes, insightful commentary, and pithy stories. Every week three contributors are featured in short segments. The segments, though often unrelated, are tied together using music and narration to set the scene. Relax and enjoy the ride while listening to topics as varied as love, birthdays, and reciprocity.
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