Scar in my paradise
There was a girl, everyone loved her,
have a cliche brother
who irritates and tease her like any other.
She was a healthy, happy, joyful child
Figured out all the tricks,
for not doing her homework.
but one fine day,
her uncle called her to play,
A play which was confusing for me, a 6 yr old,
I don’t have many denotations to attach to this play.
with all the question steering in my mind,
there was an urge to purge.
still, I didn’t resist,
neither did I liked,
because I did not know what was happening.
I was never told what’s right and what’s wrong.
I returned complex and perplex.
It happens for days,
I remain quiet and insane
He was making it playful,
by calling it a game.
One day, parents got to know,
They called this person and ask him to go,
Mom sent me inside
without explaining a bit of why.
I was covered in a guilt,
Guilt of doing something wrong
without knowing what was on?
No one ever explained me,
thinking it will pass by,
I am too small to remember,
too small to feel the guilt.
when I got to know, It was too late
I got buried under the pain
the guilt, I carried for so long
when you know, it wasn’t my fault.
I still carry that scar with me.
I live with this trauma every day,
There’s a fear which lies deep inside,
broke my confidence and forever reside.
it gets stronger with the darkness of night,
I pass my nights, staring at the ceiling
that crippling feeling, making me numb day by day.
I’m not what you see,
I will never be, what I use to be,
I have put on a poker face,
to hide what rush inside my brain,
the fears that escalate,
the heart which trembles.
I try to run from the past,
making myself believe,
what happen has passed
to avoid that emotional blast,
Yet every day, I fall so hard.
How far does this go, I don’t know.
The darkness prolong,
I hide inside the rabbit hole.
what am I suppose to do?
I am not the only child who grew up like that,
there are many like me
who maybe knowing before me,
even though they told
but doesn’t matter you ask them to hold.
You explained me everything,
there’s a society which matters,
an audience which we cater,
our status to be maintained,
but you never explained what’s right and wrong.
thinking I am just a small child.
