skittles done hurt my tongue

and the things that happened after


i ate some skittles and they harshed my tongue so

unacceptable intolerable inconceivable skittles who do you who do you think you are skittles huh skittles

how dare you skittles

how double dog dare you

i wont stand for this incurson onto my sovereign person

I promise thee, skittles

(( shinnggg ((sword being drawn noise)) ))

on my father’s honor and on my father’s father’s honor

(grampa russell this is 4u)

this shall not stand (I already said I wont stand for it but ok)

men, brothers

sisters too, women, I mean that’s not generally in the like boilerplate rallying script but

not that i’m, ok, not that i’m — ok,

ok like obviously i’m like obviously it should be in there i’m just, ok, I’m just saying like it’s not really like, ok,

i’m saying it’s been left out of the script is all, and so I’m saying because it’s left out I’m including women and sisters in it along with men and brothers because that obviously that part should obviously be in there, obviously.


ok? ugh

sorry for bringing it up

shit is all messed up. partially cos of the tongue (& skittles), and partially because of like

other things

I don’t have to spell it out for you. I refuse to spell it out for you.

I already misspelled incursion once today and “patriarchy” has like a ton of letters in it

skip it

skip patriarchy altogether and on your way past also skip spelling it


anyway what I’m saying is pretty much anybody who can hold a sword is who we want to be having swords

so like, ifn u know any responsible children or v. intelligent apes, go ahead and give those guys swords too, like all kinds of higher order intelligences, just get it all out there

get the word out there about the swords (and the skittles), and then get the swords out. everybody who’s onboard & needs a sword & can handle one okay, we want you. to have one of our swords.

maybe not dolphins

that seems, I dunno dangerous? If you gotta hold the sword in your mouth maybe no swords

no octopus swords either

I’m not one of those types that doesn’t trust an octopus, I just figure an octopus maybe can’t lift a sword

we’d pretty much have to make special swords, and we pretty much just have the one kind of sword. which is pretty much just the like regular-sword-kind-of-sword

no special octopus swords light enough for an octopus to pick up or whatever

and besides, a sword is sorta designed for a specific hand type? like a people type hand? and I just think that octopuses / octopi are going to have too tough a time with a reglar ass sword u no

it’s like wearing a shoe on your hand

this is what I mean about dolphins and holding a sword in the mouth and junk, it’s just not for that, a sword, holding it in the mouth and all, it’s bad for the teeth right and you’re gonna be dropping it

god forbid you accidentally swallow it

the crossguard is gonna stop you from swallowing it hilt first obviously but even so that’s still not an ideal sitcheeation, you’re not supposed to swallow big metal rods or whatever

i’m torn

ask a dolphin if you know one

no dogs


I mean pretty much anybody who can be trusted with a sword and who can hold one, right? is who we want.

is the idea.


I feel like now though we’re in a weird zone where we’re debating trust, like “do we trust chimpanzees to have swords and generally take up arms against skittles”

It’s just the wrong place to be in, you know? it’s like we’re not making anybody take up arms or anything, this is purely a volitional thing so

that’s why I’m saying maybe take trust off the table and just be asking ourselves whether or not the chimpanzees want to actually take up arms and stuff

chimpanzees probably aren’t, you know, mega concerned about skittles hurting my tongue. dolphins either. a chimpanzee would probably eat skittles before taking up arms against skittles

I mean I sure did

Maybe we give skittles to chimpanzees and if they hurt their tongues we let them have swords

I mean like, let them have some of our swords. If they get their own swords they can have their own.

“Let them have swords” in that we’re giving them swords, not like if we don’t “let them have swords” then they’re not allowed to have swords, we’re just not giving them ours

we’re talking targeted sword disbursement, if you want to join up with us we can spare materielle but it’s just not feasible to be giving out swords to anyone who wants swords for any reason, that’s not our bag

You’re getting a sword from us because that sword is purposed for the arming against and opposing of skittles hurting my tongue, seen

we’re not a sword distribution service

No disrespect at all to sword distribution its just like if you want a sword to be distributed to you hit up those cats! not us! we’ve got only as many swords as we have people who want to take skittles down/down a notch!

it’s like, you’re getting a sword from us because the sword is like, kind of inextricably linked to the endeavor nameen, it’s like the having of the sword and the doing of the thing are kinda like of a piece nameen

if you *just* want a sword, again, can’t spare one, and moreover, kinda not why swords are coming into genral circulation from us, like, the giving/having of the sword is not the object of our thing and like, if that’s your objective sonny more power to ya but you’re at the wrong place

yes, I know, we have the swords, and you need a sword, but you don’t need a sword for the reason that we have the swords, so in a way, if you got one of our swords, you’d be getting the wrong thing

you’re not getting a sword that’s a sword for the having of a sword, which is the thing you actually want, what you’re getting is a sword that’s a sword for the swording of skittles, explicitly, intrinsically

it’s a fine distinction but an important one but an annoying one but a necessary one

ok do k?

ok do k

chimps can do what they want is all, I’m not the boss of chimps and if you think you are you’re a damn fool and no sword for you

once you admit you’re not the boss of chimps we’ll give you a sword on a trial basis, but if I hear you lording it over anybody ((especially somebody chimpbody)) you’re deffos losing sword privileges

all right??

all right??





Sorry about all that but we’ve gotta keep the air clear and all

Anyway who’s with me I guess is what I was saying


My tongue doesn’t hurt so much any more.




everybody put your swords away, ok?

forget it

no no it’s cool

I feel okay about it

I feel okay and really I’m glad we did this anyway

at least we got to spend some time together waving swords around, right?

even if we didn’t manage to get anything done re: skittles we had a fine time just like hangin and being together

we don’t have to do nothin for it to be valuable

bein here with you’s value enough

that’s what counts

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ok cool bye :3