Summer break ideas

Not sure where to go this summer? I’ve come up with a list of dream breaks and locations… There is something for everyone…

Prison break

Been working too hard lately? Need a holiday where everything is taken care of? Come and indulge in our one-month prison break! Say goodbye to anxiety and too much choice; you no longer have to make that vital decision between seeing John or Harry — you won’t see either, and for quite some time. Our cells are tailored to most of your basic needs, including the need to sleep, pee and have too much social contact. Surrounded by the thick concrete walls you can finally let the feeling of peace, tranquility and security wrap its arms around you. Take advantage of our daily private guided tour of the secluded prison yard, accompanied by one of our expert guards. Need extra solitude and peace? With a few simple insults, you can upgrade to solitary confinement! And with our special gang bang service, you might find little surprising extras included in the package too!

2 weeks in a mental asylum

Searching for an escape from your hair plucking habit? Plagued with nightmares of all 6 imaginary friends walking out on you at once? Regretting not going on a date with the guy who stalked you for 5 years? Our staff is ready to embrace you with a syringe and a branded straight jacket to take all those problems away. Anyone in need of decadent seclusion and private beauty can experience these stunning facilities. Here you can truly fulfill your potential and be who you are, whether it’s Marilyn Monroe, a washing machine or a broccoli. Throughout your stay, our experts will take care of you by artfully combining manipulation, meditation and medication to create your tailor-made experience of reality and a feeling of total zen. A free welcome shot of valium on arrival for all our guests. You will leave with a feeling of incredible tranquility, mindlessness and extraordinary lack of memories.

Mediterranean cruise (duration unknown)

Are you a hopeless romantic longing for the sea and dreaming of undiscovered foreign lands? Then join thousands of like-minded people and come on board of our Mediterranean crossing. We begin our adventure on the coast of Libya, with quick stopovers in Turkey and the Greek islands, before heading to the Italian waters, where our journey will likely end. Step on our boat teaming with thousands of inspirational people whose resilience and determination know no bounds. Marvel at the endless waters and mingle with some of the most educated and celebrated scholars, artists and experts of the African coast. Share meals, adventure, toilet, the 2 sq meter cabin and panic. On the final day, let the waves wash over you and caress your skin as the sharks gently peel your tired flesh off your tired bones. A delight for all five senses!

A signature experience — 5 weeks in Chernobyl

Fed up with crowds and want to re-connect with nature? We have just the place for you. Characterized by the complete lack of people this destination is where nature really thrives — because there aren’t any humans to mess with it! Get ready for potentially numerous encounters with the wildlife including rare horse species, wolves, foxes and the poachers. Experience the natural beauty of Ukraine and embrace the elements — an intricate combination of which is guaranteed to take your breath away. An invigorating break complete with a stunning post-holiday glow and an experience to remember for the months (a year if you’re lucky) to come.