Thank You For Seeing Me

Yesterday, a photo went viral that means the world to me. Well, the reason it went viral means the world to me.

A doctor, crouched down by the wall in the back parking lot of the ER. The story is that he had just lost a 19 year old patient, and went outside to be alone, to grieve. An EMT took the picture and posted it on Reddit. The image, the story, went viral and over 5000 comments, many from medical personnel, were posted. Generally, positive comments. In fact, surprisingly few snarky comments at all.

We are human. We have feelings. Our heart is vulnerable. We care. We care too much, sometimes.

You may see us holding it all together. You may see us err in the direction of coldness, for fear that our judgment will be compromised by our feelings. You might even see us lose our temper, because that feels like so much safer an emotion.

I wrote this, which was published on Kevinmd.com and the Huffington Post:

“If I start to cry, will I ever stop? If you die, will I ever get over it? If I sit with you while you’re upset , will I be able to do my job? If you start to cry, will you ever stop? What if there’s really nothing I can do? What if you’re in pain because I did something wrong?

The answer was, open more. Crack my heart open. Feel everything, see everything, touch everything, be touched by everything. This is how we were meant to live.”

Crack your heart wide open
Let the fear in
The only thing that is killing you
Is trying to protect it
Crack your heart wide open
Let the grief in
Let it work its way through you
Crack your heart wide open

Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for allowing me to be myself. Thank you for the little bit of space you have for me to show my humanity.

Carolyn Messere is a board-certified colon and rectal surgeon who now works with physicians to help them reclaim their humanity and genius. You can find her at www.drmessere.com