That thing called Feeling!
Have you ever had that feeling where in you feel so many different things at same time and then you don’t feel anything at all? A void that wants to be there, feeling nothing at all. Just like a white horse running wildly on a plateau overlooking an ocean & never stopping, or getting lost in a dense forest and feeling the numbness, maybe reading a book in the remotest corner of a place where no one can find you. Have you felt such emptiness lately?
Times when you are tired of all those thoughts paralyzing you for hours. Times when you are so strong and independent, but inside you are too weak to give up. Maybe you are on a brink of the worst downfall in your life, still holding it up to just live each day at a time and see what comes next. Clinging on to that last drop of hope which can transcend your life to that sunshine you have been yearning for.
To feel like no one understands you or simply doesn’t want to. People mocking you saying it’s just one of his/her moods or Phases. An urge to say it all, but refraining later. That Nothingness, Have you felt that lately? Going numb at people talking about you, behind you or on your face. You simply don’t care. You enjoy that feeling of void, of sitting and gazing in space for hours on end. Liking your solitude but secretly wanting someone, anyone to come by your side not to help or support you, but just BE there. Making their presence felt and assuring that you are not alone.
It’s a long road and you are tired of the journey. You are no longer worried to reach your destination. You now want to rest a little, stop acting strong for a while, give in to the circumstances, let the tears flow freely. You need someone to just show up and carry you to the other side, to restore your faith in humanity again.
Your mind may acknowledge it but your heart doesn’t. It has seen much. And try you may but you feel nothing at the thought of someone making a kind remark about you or being mean, good or evil. Nothing matters in particular-places, things or people. You want to just leave that sub-conscious on incognito and be able to just lift that heaviness off your shoulders and feel light. Fly. Experience bliss and all forms of it.
