The 21st Century University Course Syllabus
“All answers to the meaningful questions in life can be found in the syllabus” Aristotle 342 BCE
Class Objectives: In my class you will learn or hyperventilate trying. Lectures, discussion, watching male darters compete for a breeding territory, making a karaoke video about an ecological concept, a local species or habitat. At the end of class you will walk outside and say “My goodness, there goes Tamias striatus and its larger cousin Sciurus carolinensis. Did you know they both feed extensively on mast?”
Class Attendance: Yeah it’s effing mandatory…read it and weep. The only excused absences are for illness and you better provide a signed and notarized letter from a physician. No, a copy of your medical marijuana prescription is not sufficient; nor do I want to hear about your diagnosis of genital warts. WTF! Besides illnesses, I will consider a death in the family as sufficient cause for missing class but still require documentation, such as an obituary. Yes I know you live in a blended family, but you still cannot claim the deaths of the eight grandmothers involved.
There is one, hear me, only one, class session where attendance is optional and that is Herpetology Day, where you have the opportunity to observe and handle live amphibians and reptiles in a non-sectarian, scientific manner. Great selfies potential here, you holding your first snake!
Don’t ever write me an email asking if you missed anything important in class. Enough said!
Assignments and testing: yeah there are assignments and tests. I read and sometimes even write articles on innovative pedagogical gobbledygook so be prepared for multimodal, active, experiential, and flipped (and I am not talking about classroom Ollies) materials and processes. All assignments and tests are mandatory and you will lose 10 points for every day an assignment is late. Extra credit: nada, zip, rien, none, never, etc. Excuses for lost homework: none. The first thing you should learn here at the big U is that work should be backed up in two physically separate locations — that’s what the fracking cloud and email are for. Really, how difficult is it to send an email to yourself with a copy of your active learning paper attached; especially while you are sending selfies to your BFF on Snap Chat?
Phones or laptops: although I’m a 21st century guy you may not use laptops or phones in my class. Critical research shows that you do not absorb as much when typing versus writing and you also distract those around you when you shift to updating your Face Book Relationship Status, or begin posting shots on Instagram of the backs of the heads of the students sitting in front of you.
Liability waiver: by taking this class you agree to absolve the Professor for any aspect of your poor performance or physical or mental illness resulting from said poor performance.
