The Analytical Engineers Guide to Reading Poetry

Is reading poetry hard for you? Do all the words register as English, but when strung together in that loose, hippy-shit fashion, they lose all coherent meaning?

Is this what poetry looks like to you?

My flower behest tower
Junkyard simple bumble groot
No
Wandering hillock paddy

If so…

I’ve got a trick to help you out

If you are anything like me, your brain likes structure. And lists. Bullet lists. And if there are checkboxes, you’ll get vaguely aroused.

Poems, on the other hand, are the antithesis of what your brain likes. To read poetry there’s a sleepy, grumpy part of your brain that you have to kick awake each time. That part is sore and stiff. And still hungover. And it really has to work to figure that loosey-goosey-feelings-images-meanings shit out. Half way through it gives up and says, “Fuck this shit. I’m going back to bed”, leaving you wondering if the author was talking about heaven, fucking or ponies.

When confronted with a poem, here’s what I do. Make the poem into a bullet list.

So, when you see this:

My flower behest tower
Junkyard simple bumble groot
No
Wandering hillock paddy

Mentally add a bullet point in front of each line, and it magically changes to this:

• You’re nice
• I’d have sex with you
• Yes
• Roughly, just how you like it

Because, now you’ve got the wide awake “Ohh! Bullet lists!” part of your brain helping out the “Ahhh fuck off, I’m tired and I’m not built for poems” part.

Now, it’s still not going to be pretty — and most of what the author intended for you is still going to be lost in translation, but at least you’ll know it was about ponies. Or fucking.

(And yes — this writing is a joke. Bullet lists don’t really help. They do stop my eyes hurting though.)