The Best And Worst Times To Fall In Love
“… there will be times when you know that falling in love is not the best thing to happen right there and then. It will only cost you more than it seems.”
The best time to fall in love is when you don’t feel that you need to be in love to be happy. You are single and you feel fine about it. You find nothing wrong with being single. You are a confident woman, you are successful in the things you do; have a good direction to your future ahead; have company when you need it; and can deal with those alone times with a sense of independence, security and peace. You find meaning in all your relationships, and feel complete in what your existing loved ones give you.
Fall in love when you are the strongest. When you feel most certain about yourself. When you feel that you have all that you need in life, whether material, social or spiritual.
Fall in love when you feel the prettiest. When you feel comfortable, sexy and confident in your own skin. You do not need another person to tell you that you are beautiful, or that you are a good person with a heart of gold. You understand that your beauty is defined not by the society’s or others’ expectations of you, but by yourself. You are happy with the way you look in the mirror: how your complexion is blemished but still salvageable with some concealer, how your hair is messy but its texture still smooth and silky after you shower, and how your current waistline is not the size you wish it to be, but you can still have an ice cream or a milkshake later if you want to.
You can be happy and glad when a guy calls you “beautiful,” but you shouldn’t stop feeling beautiful when the praises stop coming in. Don’t ever let a guy’s words define how you see yourself, because when you do, and when you get used to it, one day when he stops calling you sweet names, or if he ever leaves you, your self-image and confidence will only crumble and fall, and you’ll find yourself reverting to that insecure little girl whom you used to be, possessing the least bit of self-esteem and self-love. Don’t let someone love you for yourself. You need to love yourself first. Don’t let your self-love and confidence become dependent on another person’s thoughts and feelings towards you.
Fall in love when you feel in charge of your life.
The thing is, don’t try to rely on your partner and on his plans for his future. Don’t try to cling on to someone else’s life ambitions, in hope that you will be brought to yours. Don’t allow yourself to be dragged along, like a fallen branch floating in the middle of a running river. Instead, be your own river, and make your own course in life. Don’t settle for being someone else’s carry-on luggage, when you should be your own passenger, moving through life in the direction that you choose.
Figure out your own dreams, instead of always trying to help others figure theirs. Make your own plans for the future. Have faith in yourself and what tomorrow brings to you, and not put your faith and hopes in another person’s tomorrow. If you and the other person are meant to be together, life will bring you to each other, like how two rivers meet and merge, and begin a new journey as one, in the same direction towards life. It’s always great that the both of you have a shared plan for what’s ahead of you. However, if things were to change halfway through, and he thinks that the both of you are no longer compatible, or you think that he’s holding you back, then you know that it’s time to separate. We are still too young to be seriously stuck with someone else. We all have our own lives to live, and our own goals to pursue.
It’s best to fall in love when you least expect it. When you are not on a constant lookout for it; when your heart isn’t burning with desperation and fear; when you finally understand that when love comes, it comes.
You are neither anxious about its timing or the manner of its arrival, nor doubtful if he would stay after both of you wake up in bed the morning after. You no longer worry if there is no guy on Earth who will be good enough for you. You no longer fear that you could possibly be alone for the rest of your life. You let nature takes its course and believe that everything is fated, and some things just cannot be forced or rushed.
And the worst times to fall in love…
When you are weak with the feelings of loneliness and insecurity. When you are vulnerable. When you think that you are not good enough, not lucky enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not sexy enough. Because when you feel that you’re not worthy for someone who’s exceedingly good and ideal for you, you will end up settling for someone who’s less — someone who’s just there, someone who’s not gonna give you everything you need, let alone the better things that you want. You settle for less because you think you are not yet ready for the best of the BEST.
It’s a bad time to fall in love when you are feeling empty on the inside. Because when you finally meet someone whom you think is the missing puzzle piece, you would then try to squeeze him into every big and small vacuum you have in your life. You would try to make him your first priority for the weekend, whether or not he makes you his. You would expect him to fill that place in your heart where your absentee family should be. You would drag him into the kind of quarrels that you and your best friend used to have when you were too needy and willful. You would try to fit him into the gaps that what other things or people could not satisfy. Either that, or you would try to change yourself, and your life, into what fits his. Either way would eventually become painful ways to live by and to love with.
Don’t fall in love because of his acceptance. Don’t fall in love because of his forgiveness towards all your flaws, your faults and your awful past. Don’t fall in love because he said that you are “perfect” or that he likes your “imperfections” — it’s all bullshit.
Young girl, know that you don’t need someone else’s love for you to know that you are good enough, that you’re worthy of good things. You don’t need him to tell you that you deserved to be loved, or that you should be proud of yourself. You don’t need him to accept you before you accept yourself.
So when is the best time to fall in love again?
Well, perhaps there’s no perfect moment or the best timing. Because when love strikes, you can’t really stop its raging waves. When that moment comes, take heart, and go ahead and love, courageously and with your all. However, there will be times when you know that falling in love is not the best thing to happen right there and then. It will only cost you more than it seems.
Pretty please, you need no saviour. You’re not Sleeping Beauty or Snow White. You don’t need a knight in shining armour atop a white horse to save you from whatever you are going through. Fall in love when you want to, not when you need to. Fall in love when you are ready to love somebody, not when you need somebody to love you.
I hope that one day you will meet a guy — a gentleman — who can sweep you off your feet, and convince your heart to open a new room, because all the other rooms in your heart are already full.
