The different stages of deciding to write a novel

I set about to write an epic story about love, loss, rejection and eventual redemption, but it was not as easy as it had all seemed in my head. Here are the different stages I went through in the process of writing the novel-

1. Doubt: Is writing really my thing? I mean sure, I love reading and have read a lot of books, but does that really qualify me as an expert in writing one? That sort of analogy is like claiming to be an excellent doctor just because I watch a lot of House MD. Come to think of it, I might be an excellent doctor. My parents are doctors and my brother too!
2. Inspiration: Wow! What a brilliant book he wrote! And he’s only 19! Can I also do it? He said he was inspired by his favorite authors as a teen to take up writing. That doesn’t sound so different from me. Maybe I can do it too!
3. Conviction: Yes! I think I’m going to do it! Now all I need is a killer title. The rest will follow easily once I have a title that makes people confused, inspired and sad, all at the same time.
4. Procrastination: Yes! After weeks of pondering, I have found a perfect title! Now all I need is a brilliant opening line- one that sets the tone for the whole book.
5. More procrastination: The search goes on. If I don’t have a gripping opening, people won’t bother reading the second page. Maybe I should go for more solitary walks and take more hot showers. All my best ideas happen when I’m doing either of the two.
6. Doubt: Damn this shit is difficult. Maybe I should have started off with something smaller and less challenging? A blog maybe? Yes. Let’s start a blog.
7. Questioning self-worth: I finished my first blog! No one read it. I had to force my family to read, literally shoving my phone in front of their faces and holding it there. Am I really supposed to be a writer?
   Maybe I shouldn't have quit my job so soon.
8. Perseverance: Well it doesn’t matter if people don’t read. I’ll keep writing for myself.
   I’ll move back in with my parents. That way I won’t have to bother about pesky little things like a job and money, I can just leech off from my parents and focus on my writing full-time. #Winning
9. A taste of success: Wow! That was unexpected. 4000 views and over two dozen shares in a single day. People must have really liked that post. Maybe I’m on the right track after all.
10. Tentative steps: Now I have enough experience writing. I think I can start on my novel again.
11. Doubt again: Damn! Writing a book is waaaayy harder than writing a blog post. This shit is hard! I should probably stick to reading books instead of trying to write them.
12. Motivation strikes: But what about those dreams of being a published author? The world tours, the book signings, the excited fans queuing up in the hot sun just to meet me for a few seconds. I even planned out how my book launch was going to be! I would’ve invited my high school English teacher and told her to go suck it. “Not amount to anything”, she said. Huh! I sure showed her!
13. Planning: I’ll break it down and take it step by step. One page a day should be enough, I think.
14. Success: After many failures and long periods of writer’s block, combined with copious amounts of alcohol in desperate attempts to cure it, I have finally finished the first draft of my novel!
15. Happiness is short lived: How the fuck do you get a book published?! I didn't even think about this! Every publisher I send it to just rejects it right away!
    It looks like I’m going to have to live with my parents a bit longer than expected.