The Journey From Extrovert to Introvert

By James Harvey

I’m an introvert — someone who prefers solitary to social activities. Don’t misunderstand this as me being an awkward computer-nerd you see portrayed on televisions who can’t hold a decent conversation; instead, think of it as someone who simply needs to re-energize after spending the day in a crowd: like a battery with a low lifetime of sorts.

My ideal day during the weekend would begin by getting 9 hours of sleep and then lifting some weights in the morning after my breakfast has properly settled. After a stress-relieving workout, I would get my post-workout meal in whilst watching a few episodes of “Parks & Recreation” to get some good laughs in. Next would be to dance, nap, listen to music, stretch/yoga, walk my dog, or some activity to pass time that I enjoy doing at the time. After spending the majority of the day alone doing these activities I would then sit down in my room and play video games like League of Legends, or binge-watch on some anime that I’m currently obsessed with until I feel like it’s time to go to bed.” Now if you asked me in person I would simply reply with, “Ummm… Workout, eat, watch tv, dance, and play video games.” My “energy gauge” charges up when I do hobbies by myself. And in contrast, the needle goes towards “E” when I’m out and interacting with other people. Coming up with awkward small talk, and interacting with most people is more of a nuisance than fun.

Now I wasn’t always an introvert. It used to be that making a person happy meant I had a great day. During high school I put myself into situations where I would have to interact with people for most of the day. I played team basketball and tennis; held positions in Associated Student Body and Key Club; stayed after school just to dick around with friends; and played CoD/Halo with friends. All this was to limit the time I spent alone. I hated being alone, and it was probably because I was an only-child and never really had anyone to bond with when I got home. My personality at this time could be described as bubbly, overly-excited, weird, friendly, and easily outgoing. I loved being interacting with friends; it made me happy; it gave me energy. Shoot, I’d even consider myself as an overall “people person”.

I ended high school on the highest note possible and hands down this was one of the proudest moments in my life for reasons that aren’t relevant. Everything seemed like things were coming together and my hard work was finally paying off. I came to CMU with a good head on my shoulders and with brown, eager-fiery eyes that signified that I was ready to tackle anything that came my way. Nothing would stop me from my future goals. And as Freshman year progressed I continued to balance the social and academic life pretty well. But by the end of Freshman year I was unsatisfied with how I performed, they didn’t meet my own expectations. Before, I met nearly every single goal I set forth that I worked hard for and put my blood, sweat and tears in. But this time I didn’t. I’m sure most, at least my fellow CMU students, can relate seeing and reacting to any grade lower than a B for the first time during their post-secondary education. It definitely wasn’t the greatest feeling in the world.

So next year came and I worked even harder than before; consequently, the social aspect of my life started to become more of a pain to me. What really matters here is that I was cutting a substantial part of my social life in order to do better in school. For the first time, being social was becoming a nag. “Any type of socializing is a hindrance to my academic goals”, at least that’s what I had my brain playing on repeat when deciding to either spend Friday night studying or to go out and socialize. I personally couldn’t find the formula to get perfect grades, a satisfying amount of sleep, and also live a social life that I used to know of. It just wasn’t possible. If I wanted to do more of one thing, and sadly something had to be compromised and so I chose to sacrifice the majority of social activities that I used to love doing.

I returned home for the summer after Sophomore year which meant seeing my childhood friends. As soon as I got back I got invited to a small college party at the University of Washington, full of people I already knew during middle school as well as high school. But something was odd; something felt weird. It’d been nearly a whole semester of not enjoying other people’s company and I was feeling this sort of anxiety of not excitement, but of discomfort or fear. I got to the party and it started off as a little circle of 4–5 people sipping beer and talking among each other. And at first I was enjoying my time but slowly my energy was being drained. All the interacting was a bit too much for me so I had the bright idea to use alcohol in order to help. There would be a longer anecdote for this story, but that’s all there was to it pretty much with the exception of me camping outside and vomiting all over the place. I guess it wasn’t a bright idea after all..

“I don’t want to be alone, I want to be left alone.” -Audrey Hepburn

Now as we speak, I’m typing this up alone in my room with my dog right by my side and I’m totally okay with that. After certain events, I’ve come to not like strangers or engaging in small talk. If I had to choose, I’d choose to do things alone or with those rare friends where everything is just natural around them. If you think introverts don’t socialize at all, then you’re wrong. I simply don’t want be alone 100% of the time. Even people like us introverts need to be shown love and support.

Even after being in school for so long, why can’t I just turn on my extrovert switch back on? I thought about this for awhile and I still don’t really have an answer. But it’s not like being introverted makes me worse off than being extroverted. So yeah, I’m happy to be introverted.

On behalf of my fellow introverts allow me to say that the reason we don’t interact with extroverts well is because they don’t have any manners. Their personalities are all about getting attention, and appearing to be a certain way. Introverts let their performance speak for itself. We’re not content doing a half effort job and letting our mouths make up for the other half. For us it’s all or nothing. If you put an introvert in a quiet office and just let them work they can concentrate and work at a rate that’s similar to a computer programmer who’s wired in just going and going like the energizer bunny.

Being an extrovert has it’s pros and cons, as does being an introvert. I always hear negative things about introverts, and I don’t think these stigmas apply to every single introvert out there. To be honest, extroverts are the annoying ones — always invading an introverts’ hamster ball (reference to picture above) and always yapping on about something for attention.

Silence is truly golden. So if you see one of us introverts just sitting there in silence don’t just go and panic and assume there’s something wrong.

I love silence. I need silence. If writing didn’t become such a chore for the first 19 years of my life, I’m sure I would have enjoyed writing more than talking. I enjoy having a few close friends and spending quality time with them. And by no means would I describe myself as shy.