The Most Important Conversation You Will Have Today
I’ve been talking with a lot of people about Harvey Weinstein and all of the other scandals that have been in the news lately. It’s a hot topic of conversation — at work, at happy hours, all over social media. And it’s a good discussion for us to be having — one that’s many, many years overdue.
As I think about these scandals coming to light and the conversations happening around the world, it makes me think: will things finally change? Will the next generation learn from our mistakes and will people in power keep their hands to themselves? Will victims of unwanted sexual advances come forward more readily and swift corrective action be taken?
As I asked myself these questions, I realized the one conversation I hadn’t yet had. The most important conversation of all — and the most awkward: a conversation with the next generation — my three teenagers.
Despite being in Communications for a living, the thought of talking with teenagers about this topic made me uneasy. And listening to a story about unwanted sexual advances that relate to your mother is not a conversation any teenager is likely to initiate. But I knew if I shared my #MeToo story with the kids, it would make the developments in the news more tangible and meaningful to them.
I decided to talk to my middle daughter first. She’s a junior in high school and toying with the idea of going to business school, so the topic is particularly timely and relevant.
I told her how, when I was in my early 20s, a male executive who I was taking on a press tour in New York, propositioned me and persisted after my initial “no.” We were staying in the same hotel and this was before cell phones. At first he kept calling my room. After I unplugged the phone, he came by and knocked on my door several times. It got to the point where I moved some furniture in front of the door for added security. I also turned the fan on in the bathroom and turned up the TV in an attempt to block out what was happening. In all honesty, he may have given up after 10 mins or he may have lingered for several hours. I stayed in a corner the furthest from the door and had a hard time sleeping. The next morning, the executive alternated between being angry at me and ignoring me. I just desperately wanted to get home.
I never told anyone about this because I was worried I had been too flirtatious and caused the situation to happen. I look back now and see this clearly was not the case. I was a newlywed at the time, on the brink of starting my family, and although I was friendly with the executive, I had clearly declined any sexual advancements.
(As a side note, I heard that not long after this incident, he was fired from his job for sexual harassment. A quick check on LinkedIn shows a four year gap in his resume around this time.)
My daughter listened intently. I asked her what she would have done in that situation. She said she would have called hotel security or another work colleague. She would have found someone that could help her feel safe. I asked: “But what if alerting others might cause you to lose your job?”
Her response: “That job didn’t sound worth it.”
Good point. If only it had been so cut and dried for me at the time. Why wasn’t it? Why was my inclination to blame myself and keep my mouth shut?
And that, right there, is why all of the stories that are coming out now are so important. Some people have said they are tired of the news, it’s exhausting. Yes, it is exhausting. And that’s the point. Let’s keep the stories coming. Let’s air all the dirty laundry so that the next generation is sick of it and has zero tolerance.
When I became a parent I knew that when my child hit a certain age, I would need to have “The Talk.” But what I didn’t realize is that it isn’t, and shouldn’t be, just one talk. It’s several talks, over a long period of time. And really, until they’re adults, “The Talks” should never stop.
We need to talk to our kids about the birds and the bees. Beyond that, we also need to talk to them about what it means to be a loving sexual partner, the definition of an unwanted sexual advance, appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior, and how to handle it when someone in a power position applies pressure on you.
I want to challenge parents out there to take the #MeToo campaign one step further and have a conversation with your teenager. It’s uncomfortable. It’s awkward. It’s necessary.
Ask them their thoughts on the scandals in the news. Share your personal story, or one from one of your friends that posted #MeToo on Facebook. Ask them how they would handle a similar situation.
It’s the most important conversation you will have today.
I’ve now started the conversation with my other two children. My son is away at college and told me he hadn’t been paying much attention to the scandals. Well son, we need to talk.
