Portlandia: How I arrived, a comparison of NY and PDX Tinderers

How I got here. Two words: cosmic coincidences. Actually, maybe one word: Tinder.

Her name is Em. She and I matched on the ubiquitous app everyone shamefully uses, Tinder. We exchanged a few messages during her trip to New York last Fall but never met. She was from Portland, a city I’d never visited but knew enough about — all thanks to a little show fronted by a couple folks named Carrie and Fred.

I’m currently living in Em’s room.

I documented my apartment struggles in the online Magazine, Matter. If you read the article, you’re well aware of how desperate I was to find a place to live. For those who didn’t read it, well, I was fucking desperate.

I was sipping my overpriced coffee in Colson’s Patisserie in Park Slope, Brooklyn (if you’ve never been to Park Slope you can probably spot the neighborhood in the HBO series, Girls) when, for some mysterious reason, I decided to text Em.

I can’t help but assume that the Universe must’ve been having a cup of Joe with Tinder at the same time, because the following coincidences were too bizarre and amazing for me to comprehend.

This is how the lives of two adventurous strangers paralleled so perfectly:

I texted Em, saying the idea of living in Portland had been floating in my mind. She responded quickly, telling me she had a room available to sublet, as she was about to embark on a trip through “the belly of America.”

Oddly enough, she’d thought of me the day before I reached out to her. Apparently she planned on sending post cards to friends and acquaintances while fulfilling, what she called, her “Jack Kerouac fantasy.” She was going to ask for my address. We hadn’t spoken in more than two months! This was incredible timing. After a short and sweet interview with her roommates, it was decided that the Universe wanted this to happen.

My 2006 Scion XB accommodated as much shit as she could handle and I drove across the country to meet Em for the first time.

Week One : The homeless man and the three swords.

I’m in a city that lives in the shadow of the phrase, “Keep Portland Weird.” Most people celebrate Portland’s odd idiosyncrasies, and I love it. C’mon, where else are you going to find a 20-something homeless hipster juggling three massive swords on the side of the road?!

Week Two: The nauseatingly sweet drivers.

The roads in Portland are much quieter. I haven’t heard a honking horn in weeks. All drivers appear capable of finding their signal lights. I seem to be the only one who cuts people off, and everyone drives at least 5 miles below the speed limit. I’ve encountered too many people who are overly considerate of other drivers/cyclists/pedestrians. Surprisingly, I miss the excitement and fear of driving in New York.

Week Three: Embracing the new Tinder world.

Oh, how the dating pond has changed! In my short time in Portland I’ve encountered so many wonderfully weird women on the arguably superficial app, Tinder. The Portland Tinder world has welcomed me kindly with pictures of women with countless tattoos, piercings, and hair colors.

And while I’m enjoying these refreshing new dating options, I can’t help but notice the stark differences between New York City and Portland tinderers.

For example, if you’re swiping in NY you’re bound to encounter this type of woman about a hundred times:

The sexy aloof cigarette smoker. This woman may taste like an ashtray, but that’s a detail one can easily overlook. Especially when she makes poisoning your lungs look cool and sensual.

The aspiring actress/model/singer who doesn’t have a better use for her headshot. This city is actually overflowing with talent.

The following seem to be the reoccurring characters in Portland:

The adorable Hipster. Portland women tastefully pull off pink, green, and blue hair, and septum piercings.

The damn cat owner. Why are there so many cat ladies in PDX?!

I must note that there is at least one commonality between east and west coast tinderers: the overwhelming sense of pride these women have for their cities. I can’t count the number of posts featuring beautiful qualities of New York City and Portland.