Trying to Find my Grown-Up Superpower.
I had a crush on Robin. Not Batman, the leader of the dynamic duo, but Robin, his loyal sidekick. I watched this show (in reruns) religiously, and would lose sleep over episodes that were “to be continued” and left Robin in peril even if I knew how it ended. I would play Batman and Robin during recess with friends, once even getting a fellow classmate’s head stuck in a bike rack serving as the “lock up.” It took some effort to free him without giving away our mishap to the nuns who were approaching our crime scene.
My love for these two superheroes didn’t translate to others such as Superman (though I tried to care about him) or the Incredible Hulk. Nor did it translate to comic books, which I continue to dislike with a passion I can’t quite understand. But the dynamic duo did carry me away to a fantasy land where I would dream of my own superpowers.
Depending on the day, my superpower would change. Sometimes, I would have the power of invisibility. I could sneak into places, taking in people’s conversations so that I could make sense of the world through the eyes of others. I could also disappear when I needed to. Once, I swallowed a magic pill and had the ability to read people’s minds. I didn’t find this to be very useful overall, and sometimes it was actually unpleasant. I didn’t really care to know what others’ were thinking ALL of the time. And some thoughts should remain unheard.
Then there was the time that I could fly!
That superpower allowed me to get to new places fast, feel the freedom to go anywhere I wanted, and escape difficult or scary situations before I could really know what happened. And the views were spectacular!
As I’ve gotten older, I think about how my need for superpowers has changed. I no longer want to fly (there are perfectly good airplanes for that), invisibility is overrated, and reading people’s mind is definitely not of interest. As I have experienced life in all of its wonders and passed through the hard times, I think about what superpower I dream of today. I don’t need to be stronger, faster, or more powerful. I don’t need a power that will change people or the trials they face.
If I could swallow a magic pill today, it would provide me with the power of acceptance.
This new superpower would come with three fashionable and interchangeable capes:
Acceptance of Self
The anxiety that comes with wondering whether I am smart enough, good enough, fit enough, didn’t go away with the passing of adolescence. The insecurities of everyday life continue–sometimes stronger than others. I am my own worst critic. Acceptance to be me with all my silly imperfections would be freeing.
Acceptance of Others
There is also anxiety that comes with feeling the need to “do something” or “fix someone” that can get in the way of truly being with another. I don’t need to save anyone. And I definitely shouldn’t presume I know what choice to make when I don’t have to live with the consequences. I can be supportive and act when asked, but to be able to sit with the uncertainty (my own and others) is a superpower I seek.
Acceptance of What Is
There is a difference between passive acceptance of one’s circumstances and acceptance with agency. When life is difficult, I sometimes find myself asking why. I sometimes find myself wishing that things could be different — “please let this not be true!” But when I can let go of the way I think things should be and take things in as they are, I find that I am in a much better position to confront the problem. Until then, I have no chance of creating change.
While not a superpower I would have understood when I was a child, and not as glamorous as taking off in flight, I can now see its importance. I haven’t found that magic pill yet, so until then, I’ll keep working at finding acceptance within myself.
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