What’s Your Story?
We all tell ourselves certain things about our lives. That we’re fat, that we have nice calves, that if only we tried harder we could be more successful. Depending on your outlook, your life can appear amazing, seem like a nightmare or fall somewhere in between. Just by changing filters, how people view us and how we view ourselves can be vastly different. We can choose to hide certain parts of our lives and highlight others to give a skewed account of reality. Depending on how much you filter things, the picture you paint can be so far away from the truth to become basically fiction. Here’s a short example of my life story from two points of view:
Negative
As a child, my older brother bullied me ruthlessly. I suffered nightmares so bad that I was afraid to go to sleep. Around the age of 9 my dad’s business went bankrupt. We moved to Australia to escape the shame of it. I was scared to go to school and found it really hard to fit in. During my teens I had acne and hated the way I looked. By my late teens I was suffering serious depression and considered killing myself. To cover up my sadness I’d pretend to be really happy and party most nights of the week. This led to me abusing drugs and alcohol that made my depression worse. Eventually, I met a girl and got married. We moved to Bali for my dream job, which wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. A year later, my wife was diagnosed with incurable brain cancer. I had to quit my job so we could return home unemployed. We’re now living in Western Australia with our two young kids, waiting for their mum to die. I’m having nightmares again.
Positive
I was born to the two most loving parents you could ever hope for. We lived in a stunning coastal town where I met a lot of lifelong friends. My dad spent lots of time with us, probably to the detriment of his business, but that didn’t matter, he had his priorities straight. I found school easy, being gifted with a reasonably high intellect. In the early 90s our family had the opportunity to move to Australia, where I discovered a passion for surfing. This brought me and my brother really close. We would surf together daily and still do whenever we get the chance. I got so good I started to get paid to surf. The money was enough to help pay my way through university. One summer surfing in Western Australia I met my fantasy girl. We got married and ended up moving to Bali, both working executive jobs with the two biggest surf companies in the world. Eventually we decided to quit and travelled through Europe for a year together. It was the happiest time of my life. I started a new career as a writer, which has done surprisingly well. My wife and I have settled in Western Australia with our two young kids and have a relationship most people only dream about. I’m genuinely one of the luckiest people I know.
Both of these stories are factually correct, but neither are True in the capital T sense of the word. It’s like a bad journalist has taken quotes out of context, to create a sensational story that didn’t actually happen. Real life lies somewhere in between and because of its ups and downs is much more compelling in the long run than something so one-sided. I don’t think anyone really wants to hear someone whinge about how tough they’ve had it, nor do they want to listen to a hyper-positive jackrabbit talk about how magical their life is and how easy it was to get there.
It just isn’t real.
The interesting thing is the truths, half-truths and outright lies we weave into our perception do eventually shape our reality. Seth Godin recently wrote: “The realist things in our lives are the stories we invent.” He has a point. We become our own narrative, at least solidly in our own minds. It’s the only way we can make sense of this chaotic world: to form it into a cohesive story. The spin we put on things, how we choose to react to events out of our control, and the way we explain happenings to other people becomes the ‘true’ view of our lives. Our view influences how others view us, and so on. The ripple out means that everything we say, do and think impacts our reality in a very real way. This can be good, or bad, but it does happen.
In a world where image grooming on social media is so rampant, it would be refreshing to see a healthy dose of honesty thrown into all of our narratives again. Things would be much more engaging. We wouldn’t have to keep second guessing filters and instead could appreciate the imperfect beauty in people’s lives. There is power in being vulnerable to others, just as there is power in a little positivity. Both can be used to bring stories back closer to a reality, that can still benefit you and the world.
So what is your story? Is it all rainbows and unicorns, a bitter bag of lemons, or a unique blend of sweet and sour? How do you view yourself in the stark light of day? And how does that impact on how others view you in turn? Find the right balance and your story could be one worth reading about.
