Who Am I?
“A person who doesn’t know what the universe is, doesn’t know where they are. A person who doesn’t know their purpose in life doesn’t know who they are or what the universe is. A person who doesn’t know any of these things doesn’t know why they are here. So what to make of people who seek or avoid the praise of those who have no knowledge or where or who they are?”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Who am I? What do I know about myself? How do I apply this knowledge to then guide me as I move through life down the river of time? The topic of motivations has been on my mind for many years now, as I modify the values and vector of my energy as life experiences inevitably shape me. I’ve been talking to my friend who is starting his A.I. company at the moment, and was curious about his motivations in life. During this conversation, I’ve made some interesting self-discoveries which somewhat shift my own motivations, and please allow me to explain below:
I tend to spend time thinking about equality and inequality. Coming from Eastern Europe, where there is seemingly more equality, and seeing the homeless situation in San Francisco for many years has left an impression and made me think about root causes of inequality. To start off, it’s important to distinguish between equalities of outcomes versus equalities of opportunities. Certainly, the experiment on equal outcomes failed based on 20th century evidence — the post-industrial world favored capitalist system (unequal outcomes) over communist system (equal outcomes). On other hand, equal opportunities is something we should as a society strive to push towards, because equal opportunities can unlock lots of untapped human potential. But here is where I will course correct my previous motivations, and make them a bit more realistic.
One of the main takeaways from the conversation with my friend was that trying to bring equality to the world in absolute terms is madness. In the world we live in, equal opportunities are somewhat of a mirage. If you read through history (here is a really good book) and become more self aware as you grow up, you will notice inequality in the world: your birthplace, the family you are born into, the time you are born into, your genetic makeup — these all create inequality. Being raised by a single mother who was busy trying to put a bread on a table, I didn’t have anyone explaining to me how the world works (here is a book explaining how the world works), and thus I was a bit naive for a while to think that absolute equality is something we should strive for. After thinking about it, I disagree with this since, again, good luck solving all of the inequalities that got weaved into the world throughout centuries. It’s hard to accomplish everything at once, because you will just overwhelm yourself. Do you join a political movement? Non-profit? The much better approach in my mind is the deliberate (one step at a time), steady work throughout life on making the world a bit better than it was before you came into it. As my other friend puts it, it’s “idealistic vs optimistic” approach to life. Instead of clinging to ideas (I.e. “I should join the political movement!”), you don’t have to cling to ideas because you have belief in your own competence (confidence, not ego), and instead should be optimistic, yet flexible. You don’t cling to ideas, and instead deliberately work on making a world a bit better place, one step at a time.
Now, you have very limited time on this planet. I have a really good friend who was diagnosed with cancer when he was 22. An event like this can change your life perspective substantially. At any given point in time, cancer can come back out of remission and kill. This truth is the same is for all of us. The world is largely outside of our control, and there is not much you can do. Or can you? If you focus on things that are in your control (vs. things outside of your control: i.e. the world at large), giving back is a worthy pursuit. Do you want to leave anything after your physical body perishes, to make the world a bit better than it was before you came into it? There are several ways of doing this: write a book that teaches people, become a musician who affects people, create a product or service that does something better for people, or just be a kind person to others.
For me, given my location (I really believe that San Francisco will play a similar role that Florence, Genoa, and Venice played during Renaissance era) and time period of my life (here is a good way to think about the current time and next 100 or so years), the logical pursuit over long term is entrepreneurship in SIlicon Valley. I’ve been really interested in the history of this place ever since I came here, and have both gratitude for previous generations of entrepreneurs and appreciation of today’s context. Moveover, I think I have a pretty good understanding of what will happen in decades to come, without knowing all of the little details.
How do you pursue such goals? As I’ve written here, it’s through accumulation of skills and confidence. Understanding which exact things you don’t know (the more you know, the more you know how much you don’t know), what are your limitations, and how to alleviate the challenges on your way is extremely important. But understanding the underlying motivation is the most important factor. It’s the story you tell yourself that becomes a guiding principle and materializes in the actions you do in the world. The challenges will keep changing as life can throw more curveballs and the methods of overtaking them will change. However having the goal in mind is critical. That’s exactly what Ray Dalio talks about here.
As a consequence of needing both skills and confidence (and the balance of skills and confidence is tricky) in order to accomplish my personal goals, what to do day to day becomes fairly straightforward. All you need to do is push yourself to the limit every day and throw yourself in situations that are hard and require perseverance, ingenuity and a lot of resilience to work through.
As you live day by day, it’s important to weave healthy habits into your life and build support systems. For me it’s my girlfriend, best friend, and my mom. It’s also important to be responsible for added complexity over time. For example, for me, bringing my mom on a permanent basis to U.S. means I need to become a responsible adult and be able to fully support her. Furthermore, as you establish a family, accumulate assets and influence, have a group of both mentors and mentees, and participate in community work and / or non profits, it will be increasingly harder to manage your time. Time management skills will become critical, and it’s probably a good time to invest in reading the OG of this topic.
Having a purpose in life through understanding who you are is critical. That’s the first step, and it’s not about asking “what is my mission in life?”. This question is wrong because it’s really up to you what to do given your particular circumstances. It’s also important to focus on things in your control and continue your journey with limits of control in mind. In order to really start understanding the stories you’re telling yourself, it’s helpful to look back for say 10 years and see where did you spend your time, and try to understand why. This way, you can back track to the stories you tell yourself. Knowing them is important. The stories you tell yourself become your guiding principles. These guiding principles become your actions.
P.S. Lastly, here is a good table book to keep for daily meditations.
