Why I Deleted the Medium App

Don’t stress Medium Staff — It’s not you, it’s me.

I have been a member of the Medium community for a few months, usually reading more than writing, but when I submitted my Article “The Moment You Realize Your Parents Need You” to The Coffeelicious publication, I got more attention than I ever anticipated. When people started recommending my article, I was so shocked and excited.

To me, anything more that 2 hearts was a success. I remember checking and seeing 26 notifications and my heart started racing; then 100, then 150, then I thought I had peaked — but the next day I got 100 more! And the day after, another 50!!

My article got 258 recommends and 1.1k reads. Not the best ratio but I was blown away.

I instantly began thinking:
“Where else can I submit?”
“I don’t want to make a listicle — what will get me the most attention”
“I should get something out quick so I don’t fade away”

These questions were all pure ego.

It got a boost when my activity stream was lit up with highlights and recommends and before I could stop myself — I was obsessed with my stats.

I know, I’m not the first one to react this way (or say it), but I honestly, couldn’t control my reaction.

Refresh

Refresh

Refresh

It started to take hold of my thinking and my ability to control myself — to alter my train of thought; it was alarming.

I was upset with myself for falling victim to social acceptance.

Hypocritical, I know, since I submitted it to a publication so it would be more widely seen, but still — us temperamental humans flip flop on our principals all the time. I’m not the only one.

I knew I needed to hold my finger on the home button, wait for that little icon to start shaking (probably designed that way subliminally advise me not to do it) and press the X. Delete.

Whenever I get like this I know what action I need to take. Delete.

The same thing happened with Facebook, Tumblr, Wordpress, Pinterest, and Instagram (except I always end up downloading this one back).

I just need to get away. I need to hold myself accountable for my short stint with insanity. I need to break free of the easily accessed connection; the constant updating to stroke my ego.

When we get like this (which we all do these days), I’d like to suggest taking a step back to just . . . be: with a book, or two, or yoga, or TED Talks. Anything that takes you away from your ego.

I retreat to DIY project. Scraping at wallpaper, crafting dream catchers, painting. Anything tedious, non-electronic, to break free from my obsessing.

It’s necessary that we have interests that don’t involve other people. I rarely show my paintings to anyone because I don’t need to know what they think of them. It makes me happy.

Why would I want to get anyone else involved that could potentially ruin that for me?

I know writing is different. It’s both a hobby and passion for some people. But if writing is what you love — take some time to write things just for you: things you’re grateful for, why you love your partner, places you want to visit.

We spend so much time searching for ways to get noticed, to promote our ideas, to be recognized for our talent — that we get lost in the opinions of others and forget about our own.

I forgot that that piece of writing was just as worthy when I posted it in December (when it was only seen by 2 people) as it was when it was seen by 1,000.

Do things that make you happy that don’t involve anyone’s opinion, and take a step back to marinate in your own self worth.

You deserve it.

Thank you for your time. 🌞 For more pieces of my mindful heart, please find your way to my site: mymindfulheart.wordpress.com