Why I Said “NO” to My Mom

My mother asked me if I would like to come home yesterday… for a job she heard about, of course, but she asked me if I want to come HOME!

NO. The answer was the easiest “no” I’ve ever muttered; simple, quick and without hesitation. (You have to understand, I’m generally a “yes girl,” always wanting to please people, especially those whom I love, like my mom).

But this was a different type of answer, one that affected my life and the direction I want to take it in. No one else can possibly have control of these life decisions; I have finally reached a point where I have a direction, I know what I want, and I’m so happy with where I’m headed.

Now, getting here was a long, hard road, and I’d like to share a few things that stand out in my college and recent post-grad experiences that truly helped me reach this point of independence and flexibility.

1. I went through a major “what am I doing with my life, who’s idea was this, and why is it so hard” phase during my sophomore year. I started school with every intention of being a reporter, and suddenly I thought I wanted to teach elementary school. People change their majors all the time right? Not this girl, I was a girl with a plan, halfway through my degree and on track to graduate early, I didn’t want to give that up just because of my insecurities… I had to keep moving forward.
2. After this, my focus adjusted to public relations and advertising, complimented by plenty of writing and business classes. This decision arrived thanks to ridiculous amounts of conversations about purpose and what I love, what’s most important and what I’m trying to accomplish.
3. Here are my answers. My purpose: to serve. My love: working with people. What’s important? Making an impact. What am I trying to accomplish? At that time, college… now, a career.
4. More recently, my boyfriend and I have been making some larger (more adult) life decisions. Should we move in together? Should he go to grad school? Will he get this job in New Orleans? What about that job in Tampa? How am I supposed to be flexible for him when I need a big kid job too? We were lucky because we graduated together, but not so lucky in that neither of us had any idea what we were doing next, so neither of us could plan based on the other. I was in limbo.
5. If you haven’t caught onto this by now, I’m extremely type-A. When I have a plan, I keep it. You need a plan? No problem! This limbo I was encountering has to be one of my biggest challenges to date. So, how did I cope? I did everything in my power to gain flexibility in purposeful positions in our current town. I stayed in my on-campus job, obtained and internship and got on with a marketing firm in town — all under the terms that I might leave, no guarantees. It was invigorating.

That brings us right up to now, this current moment. Things are planned, and I am so happy they are. I’m heading into a full-time position with the marketing firm I mentioned, and my boyfriend and I signed a lease to move in together in August. He’s taking the GRE next month and applying for a Spring-start graduate program this summer.

I have a real shot and moving forward and gaining some experience in this crazy public relations world of mine, and he has the motivation and vigor to go on to get his Master’s degree in political science.

That’s why, for the first time in my life, saying “no” was the easiest part of my day. I’m independent — There’s a plan, we’re moving forward, and I am so ready for this big bad world, without taking any favors.