Why Louie Is TV’s Most Boneable Dad
LOUIE may not return for a 6th season. Baby please don’t go.
When you think about Louie, the barely fictional character from the show LOUIE, the term ‘sex god’ may not immediately come to mind. It certainly doesn’t come to mind for his love interests. The ones that reject him explain with “My chemistry is telling me you’re a loser”, or just “Suck a dick, son.” Even worse, the ones he does bed complain that “You’re bad at sex” and “You smell weird…like dying.”
Yet last season, Louie was a full-on chick magnet. Not only was he was banging bonafide hotties on the regular, but — unlike in previous seasons — not a single one was batshit crazy.
Intriguingly, social media didn’t erupt in a frenzy over the aesthetic imbalance of the pairings. Of course men can be conspicuously quiet on that subject, but these portrayals have traditionally peeved a lot of women [myself included]. Yet women [myself included] seem to be down with the new, Boneable Louie.
Here’s what makes Louie so gosh-darn irresistible:
1] He is the anti-Roosh. While it appears PUA Roosh V’s sole raison d’etre is to spread his seed — the way a tiger shark thinks only about its next meal — Louie is never on the make. Although he attracts his share of emotionally needy women, they’re drawn to Louie’s genuine acts of kindness, not because he targets them to exploit their weakness to his predatory advantage. And unlike Roosh, the very quintessence of male entitlement, Louie seems truly grateful for every sexual encounter.
2] He’s a good dad. Actually, Louie is a perfectly adequate dad. But he recognizes that society’s expectations for dads are way lower than they are for moms — like when Louie practically gets a standing ovation for attending a PTA meeting, while Pamela’s attendance is met with aggressive indifference. And we moms out there appreciate the props. Plus, nothing makes a woman slide off her seat like watching a father look after his daughters.
3] He porks women that are [gasp] his own age.
4] From his ex-wife to his quasi-girlfriend, Louie is drawn to bad-ass women who don’t take anyone’s guff. If Louie were a Star Wars character, he’d be Finn to Pamela’s Rey. You gotta love a guy who loves strong women.
5] When it comes to sexual predilections, Louie aims to please. Jonesing to peep him in a one-shoulder, sequined floor-length number? Just ask real nice. Dying to slather a full face of glamour makeup on Louie and call him Jornetha? Not a problem — he rocks a smoky eye better than Taylor Momsen. Any man who’s that game to accommodate his partner is worth his weight in vibrators. [And for those who don’t believe that tasting a little Gender Pretzel is a turn-on, I have two words for you: David Bowie.]
6] Self-awareness is sexy, and Louie’s got it out the wazoo. Louie reflects on himself and his circumstances with such unguarded insight, it doesn’t matter that his physique is so boxy, he’s shaped like a vintage Volvo. Even in the most unsensuous tub scene since The English Patient — where Louie and Pamela seem to awkwardly collaborate on a science project testing the principles of displacement — Louie’s candor and vulnerability endearingly sweep us along like the sloshing bathwater.
Granted, it’s been a slow build to Boneable Louie. But just as Pamela moved him from the ‘No’ pile into the ‘Maybe’ pile and finally into the ‘Yes’ pile, female viewers incrementally upgraded his status as well. So, for dads out there looking to ‘bone like Louie’, I offer these tips:
— Be kind and empathetic, especially to women.
— Be seen actively parenting your children.
— Be self-observant. And [perhaps most importantly]
— Be not married.
