Why you should go on as many first dates as you can stand
And how to do it efficiently
Want to hear a joke? “I just knew it was right.” LOL. Or as my friend Taylor would say, oh, honey.
I don’t believe in just knowing things. When people say they have a gut feeling about something, I mostly think that if they hadn’t ordered that carne asada dorado-style super burrito, they wouldn’t have that “feeling”. I believe in market research. I would say I’m data driven, but I live in the Bay Area and hearing the words “data driven” makes me want to throw my cold-press green juice at someone. My theory is that you don’t know what good is until you know what bad is.
And there’s no better way to find out what bad is than going on an alarming number of first dates.
Bad is online shopping from the bathroom of a gastropub just for relief from soul-crushingly mediocre conversation.
Bad is listening to how some rando’s ex-girlfriend cheated on him while you are trying to enjoy a glass of rosé outside.
Bad is counting eight humblebrags about how much money he has in the first five minutes and feeling true desperation.
I could keep going (and I will in future posts), but this post is about strategy.
My strategy is to evaluate the highest number of eligible men as efficiently as possible. And keep my sanity in the process.
So I set a few ground rules to implement my plan.
Before the date: No aimless messaging for more than four days before a date is planned.
On the first date: No first dates more than a five-minute walk from my apartment. No first dates that take longer than an hour. No first dates that require dressing up.
After the first date: Think. Do I feel even a modicum of excitement about seeing this gentleman again? If the bus back from Siberia were completely full, would I rather share a seat with him or take my chances with a clean-smelling stranger? If no excitement is felt, then I quit my navel-gazing and allow myself at most 2 more texts. “Maybe” is a word that should be used sparingly when discussing the future.
Unlike Taylor, I’m not that interested in making new friends. I’m interested in hitting a high N in minimal time so that I can hang out with my real friends.
At the end of the day, it’s all about high throughput — going on infinite dates teaches me far more about what I want than solo reflection. Abstractly conceptualizing (read: fantasizing about) a perfect mate might be good for folks with more time on their hands, but for me, market knowledge and practical application will do just fine.
And yes, more than one person has told me to be “nicer”, but I think being nice means not wasting my time and not wasting his. I don’t like to mince my words into mixed messages. Better to ghost the heck out of my not-so-charming prince and move on to the next one.
-S
