TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE
With These 6 Words, You Can Change Your Life
“What can I learn from this?”
Your current relationship is getting worse.
You come home to an empty apartment.
You’re tired, but you still help your child with their homework.
The average person will just go on to the next thing, and the next, and so on. One day they say, “I wish I was happier.” Then they go on to the next thing.
You, you’re no average person. You ask yourself:
What can I learn from this?
Answering this question, then using what you learned, is the best way to move your life forward.
Here are four things to help you get the most out of this question.
Look to yourself first
The average person will find someone or something to blame; it’s their excuse to do nothing. But you understand that you are the only person who can guide your change. And trying to change anyone else is a fool’s game; as Robert Heinlein famously said, “Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
You must act or change how you think
If you do what you always do, you’ll get what you always get. And that’s just the best-case scenario — you change, your needs and desires change, and the world around you changes. Ignore this and your life will suffer.
When most people think of change, they think of doing something new or differently. But changing how you think is often far more powerful — and many more opportunities for doing so. (Don’t believe me? Look at this list of 50 cognitive distortions). Either way, when you get an answer to “What can I learn from this?”, you must remember it, apply it, and keep applying it.
You may need to experiment
When it’s not be obvious why your current relationship getting worse, asking questions is a brilliant thing to do. Have I been insensitive about something? Do we need to spend more time together? Am I expecting too much from them?
If you’re unsure, it may be time to do some experiments. Change something and see if things improve. If it doesn’t, try something else. (Keep in mind this is a simplified example — many relationship problems can’t be solved this way.)
Turn an event into a positive value
When I was younger, I felt that one thing after another was happening to me and my life wasn’t getting any better. In reality, this was true — but it didn’t have to be. What nobody (not even therapists) told me is that behind many events, a positive value is waiting — and you can use that positive value to help you in future situations.
Say that you’re tired but you still help your child with their homework. That says multiple things about you. “I choose my daughter over other things I could be doing.” “I do the right thing even when it costs me.” “I work with my daughter to give her the skills she will need.” Each of these is its own statement about your values.
Why remember these sentences? Because by doing so, you are turning a single event into a tool that will help you time and time again.
When do you call upon them? When you’re feeling down or facing something challenging. When you’re unsure of what you stand for. When you need to decide what path to take.
If you don’t learn from what happens to you, the universe will decide what happens to you — and the universe does not have your best interests at heart. Learning from your daily experiences is a key skill of adulthood. It takes only a little extra effort, and the reward is 100 times larger.
Asking “What can I learn from this?” — and then putting the answer to use — is the most powerful thing you can do to move your life forward.
