On It’s Not You It’s Men, Rev. Run always ends with, “When you truly love yourself you take crap from no one.” As young girls, we are socialized to tie our happiness with a man. The princess or damsel in distress meets prince charming is rescued and “lives happily ever after.”
We must learn to guard our hearts from those who simply want to use us to build their empires with no intention of us as their queen regnant. As Nina Simone said, “You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served.”
There was a phrase from the movie The Joy Luck Club, “You don’t know your worth.” When you know your worth, you walk away. For those looking for the words to say goodbye to the past and embrace your future, allow me to be of assistance.
I didn’t ask to be part of your life. You chased me and asked me to be part of your dream to build an empire. So I took your hand and gave you my heart because you said that you weren’t like other men. I took on the task of being your lover, friend, cook, confidant, cheerleader, jack of trades, recruited others to invest in your dream and everything else because “we” were building a legacy. Never once did you publicly acknowledge my contributions, although you never failed to thank others. I did what I did because I loved you and believed that “we” were building a legacy together.
When you didn’t have the bandwidth or was too worn out from the negativity of life, I picked up the slack and did whatever was necessary to make it happen for “us.” Now that “we” are no longer, I wish you no ill-will. However, I refuse to help build another person’s empire. Whether you acknowledge my contributions or never thank me, I don’t care. I simply want to heal from the wounds of “us” and move on with my life to make room for the man with bigger hands. #Rondaisms
Sometimes you’ll just be too much woman. Too smart. Too beautiful. Too strong. Too much of something that makes a man feel like less of a man, which will start making you feel like you have to be less of a woman. The biggest mistake you can make is removing jewels from your crown to make it easier for a man to carry. When this happens, I need you to understand, you do not need a smaller crown — You need a man with bigger hands. — Michael E. Reid
This originally appeared on Ronda’s blog, Ronda-isms.