How to leverage your unresolved tensions for storytelling gold
Let me be clear.
I’m not trying to be crass or suggest that you should unduly chime on the pain from your childhood.
But I am saying that within you, me, and everyone else there are unresolved tensions from our past that shape our conscious and subconscious patterns of behaviour.
(Don’t worry. This is not turning into a psych 101 lesson).
These patterns are basic. The fear of abandonment, for example, might be a constant in your life. You may have a pattern of pushing others away preemptively. You might err on the side of choosing disconnection over sustained intimacy.
The same could be said for the quest for significance, the need for stability, or the desire to be witnessed as you are. These and dozens of others are intrinsic human needs that come from often unresolved tensions in our past.
A story is never just a story. A story, an idea, a message, a pitch all speak to these underlying tensions that exist within each of us. That’s basically why marketing exists – because we all aspire to have these tensions resolved to the point where we will spend money. We want solutions to our innermost pain.
Marketing manipulation aside, what if you could use these same levers for golden storytelling?
Here’s how you can. It’s simpler than you think. You just have to be a little brave first.
1. Acknowledge what’s unresolved for you
Dig into a tension that is extremely real for you today and one where you can identify its proximate origin in your life. Ideally, find one that aligns with either the message you’re sharing AND the people in the room. Let me give you an example.
Imagine you’re on stage about to begin a talk or in a pitch. Be honest about what is motivating you to be there on that day. When’s the last time you heard a COO at an engineering firm begin a corporate meeting with, “My whole life I’ve been trying to keep control of what’s around me…” and then jumping into an origin story. That is a GOLDEN hook.
2. Be a mirror for your audience
You’re not the only one with your experience. That’s right. I’m going to say it again. You’re not the only one with your experience. Most other people have felt what you have in their own way. We’ve all been hurt, cheated, left behind or relied upon. We’ve all felt passion, glory, excitement. We share the same core human experiences. The intensity or delivery differs from one to another, but the core feelings are the same.
Therefore, you can be a mirror for your audience. So imagine you turn it on them and say, “Look, we’re all in this position because we like the nuts and bolts. We like control. Hell, we need it. Don’t we?” Again, pure GOLD.
3. Don’t feel the need to solve anything
That’s right. Let it linger. What if you didn’t have to solve the tension for your audience? What would you say then? What if I told you that great storytelling wasn’t about a resolution? Because that’s the case in 2017. We’re tired of the happy ending all the time. We want reality. We want tension. We want you as you are.
Let’s go back to our example. Picture you then went on to say, “It’s tough some days. I don’t think I have figured it out and probably never will. But I do know that it’s given me an amazing gift and each of you share it too. That’s why we’re here. That’s why our work matters.”
The beauty is not only will you be a far more effective storyteller, but you will help others feel more understood and less alone. You’ll feel it. I promise. And as a dear friend of mine once asked me, “What could be more beautiful than that?”
I honestly don’t know. And that’s okay.
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[When you’re ready, and if you need some help with your storytelling, you can download some of my free tools and learn about my coaching programs at jordanaxani.com]
