To the University Student Who Never Feels Good Enough
I remember being a university student like it was yesterday — how could I forget? Not once, but twice, for my undergraduate degree (and as if that wasn’t restricting enough) for two more years of graduate school.
The Challenge
If you’re anything like me — Perfectionist, Type A Personality, Anxious Type — then you understand that the university environment doesn’t exactly make it easy for us to thrive and survive. It only exacerbates our pre-existing struggles.
Given the competitive nature of university, focus on grades (especially if you’re thinking about grad school), never ending readings, deadlines and exams, it’s almost impossible not to experience some sort of mental health challenge — and that I did.
The Anxieties
Anxiety — general anxiety, test anxiety, performance anxiety — you name it. In order to “survive” the university culture it required endless hours of over-learning test material so that when I entered the exam room and my mind went blank (because it was sure to), I felt confident enough that I would get that minimum 85% I needed to get into grad school.
The pressure I put on myself, the rigid expectations, the unrelenting study schedule that isolated me from others and chipped away at my happiness, the drastic change in my mood when I didn’t receive a “good enough” grade, the constant fear of failure, my worth being defined by my grades, and the restless nights — it was exhausting and overwhelming. And the real question — is it all worth it and at what expense?
You’re Not Alone
My purpose in writing this piece is to reach out to university students and let you know that you’re not alone. The number of first-year students who disclose a mental health problem has risen fivefold in the past decade. The university counselling centres don’t have enough resources to support students’ mental health needs. This information tells us that there is a problem with the university institution, not you. You are enough.
What I Wish I Could Tell Myself
I often see my student-self in my clients who are university students — the same way of thinking and feeling that I used to experience. I know what it feels like when your worth is solely dependent on your grades or whether you get into grad school. But, I promise you, as life goes on past university years, your worth is defined by so much more than having a graduate degree or the most prestigious job.
As a past student reflecting back on my student life I wish I had asked myself, “Is the amount of pressure I’m putting on myself necessary and even worth it?” I want you to ask yourself the same. Although I’m proud of myself for getting through university, what I realized is that my goal didn’t need to be achieved at the expense of my mental health. Now that is something I wish my current self could have told my student self.
