How William the Conqueror Turned Into History’s Nastiest Piñata
Did his corpse really explode?
William the Conqueror, sometimes known as William the Bastard (because his mother was a tanner’s daughter) was a plunderer who had a penchant for cutting off people’s hands and feet. That was a bit of the rage in the 11th century among folks of means.
In July of 1087, during some wartime horseback riding, William intestines were punctured by the pommel of his horse’s saddle, that nob on a saddle that sticks out in front of where you sit. He spent the next six weeks dying.
His body was moved from Rouen to Caen, France, about an 80-mile, two or three weeklong journey.
A growing army of bacteria in the dead king’s digestive system were along for the ride, taking a culinary tour through the rest of his body. As the death caravan made its way to Caen, the gases emitted by the bacterial decomposition were slowly inflating the already obese corpse.
Upon arrival in Caen, a swift funeral would have been ideal. Instead it was initially put off because of a fire at the monastery where they held his body (some sources say the whole city was on fire). While they were putting out the fire, the body lay patiently outside the monastery, under a cloister, and avoided cremation.
The burial was further delayed by a local man who disrupted the first attempt at a funeral service, enraged that the king was to be buried in what was once the man’s land. By the time William was put into the ground, many weeks after his death, he was on the verge of bursting.
So large was the corpse that it no longer fit in his stone-lined tomb, and the monks pushed and poked the body of William trying to get him inside. Eventually all of their wrangling popped the body turned gaseous balloon, throwing chunks, ooze, and stench all about, and the aghast onlookers were showered with rotting bits of the Conqueror’s remains. This marked the end of the funeral, and the attendees went home to anxiously await the invention of the shower.
Let’s dote on the bloat
But is this 1000-year-old story true? Let’s look at what happens to our poor bodies after we die.
Bloat is a natural stage of a corpse’s decomposition. It is the result of “autolysis,” the process of gut flora, so valued in today’s digestive discourse, consuming other body tissues and emitting an array of gasses, like putrescine and cadaverine. Putrescine and cadaverine give dead rodents their trademark, floral scent and make good names for children and pets.
Most of the time, the gases that bloat the dead find some way to escape, typically through the orifices, and the body is free to decompose on its own. This is called “active decay” and will be familiar to anyone who has spent any time tripping over the aforementioned dead rodents in the woods or watching zombie movies.
What kept William from making the typical transition from the bloating stage to the active decay stage? What lead him to burst instead of becoming just another hideous corpse?
It is not entirely clear. Corpse explosions are rare, but there are a couple of scenarios that might explain William’s post-mortem fireworks. One could have been the large fire that preceded his burial. Heat can accelerate the bloating, and the build-up of gases could have outpaced their orificial release. Second, a common embalming practice at the time was to wrap corpses in wax or tar sheets. A tight binding could have prevented the gases from escaping.
Still, there is some evidence that the entire story was just a tall tale. After all, given William’s reviled status and massive girth, a corpse so plump it would burst all over the local gentry is a yarn that would fall easily off the tongues of his foes. Also, one internet source (below) says that William’s body was eviscerated during its embalming, which, without organs, should have limited the amount of bacteria that bloomed internal. Finally, according to his biographer Thomas Roscoe, William’s body was disinterred in 1542, merely because of a bishop’s curiosity. The bishop found the body “entire and royally clothed.” Not at all a pile of pieces and parts.
So is the story true or not? I don’t know, but I choose to believe that the brutish, British king went out with a bang and not a whimper.
Sources
Thomas Roscoe, The Life of William the Conqueror, 1846
Heart of Kings: Embalming of Noblemen in Medieval Europe https://halfwayoak.wordpress.com/2016/05/22/heart-of-kings-embalming-of-noblemen-in-medieval-europe/
