If You Have A Question, Raise Your Hand

And Put It Over Your Mouth

He was wearing a solid black full sleeved formal shirt with cuffs unbuttoned and bottom tucked out partially and intentionally to demonstrate his double-dyed disapproval against the office dress code and societal rules, in general.

At 6 feet 3 inches, he was the Gandalf to my Frodo. As he lumbered towards me adjusting his glasses and deliberating in his head what pleasantries to shoot at me without the possibility of striking a conversation, there was just one thought bouncing around in my head — ‘Look at the amount of body hair he carries. That must be adding at least another kilo to his weight.’ I was smiling at how funny I was in my own head when his question broke my trance.

‘Wassup?’ he asked in a voice that never knew modulation.

‘Wasssssup?!!’ I replied (questioned?!) without a thought and watched him pass me by like Haley’s comet. Without a care in the world.

Remember the time when ‘what is up?’ used to be a question and people who asked it usually expected an answer. Now, its just ‘sssup?’ if you love to live dangerously or ‘watsup?’ for those who are a little old fashioned.

But at the end of the day — it’s a meaningless noise that evolved out of our necessity to speed up every process, every device, every emotion and all our lives eventually.

I feel that deep down we want to ask the whole question, we want to wait a while longer to listen and we want to see the smile that spreads across the other person’s face when he realizes that he has just involved himself in a sane human conversation. Yet reality strikes so hard and fast that words just mix up and come out as a half-baked, under-achieving singular noise that never lives up to its potential. It’s like the premature ejaculation of vocal chords.

What’s even more unsettling is the way people have mentally programmed themselves to reply back with a ‘wassup?’ when they spot a ‘wassup?’ being tossed at them. What if people begin to treat all other questions this way? How would Quora and Reddit survive in a world like that? Imagine a world where questions are countered by questions. Imagine a world running like Indian Parliament.Our lives would turn into a long and really frustrating drinking game.

Asking questions is a responsibility and a power and humans are the only species in this solar system (yet!) who have been bestowed upon with them. Its our duty to ask the right questions; which reminds me of one that I recently ran into on Quora. It read, “Does Superman have an anus?” and it got me thinking on two levels. First, what are Quora moderators smoking? Second, what if this guy has accidentally landed upon the greatest fan fiction of 21st century. What if rampant abuse of technological advancement resulted in Kryptonians blocking their anuses completely. Not having assholes eventually turned them into assholes and they all got so full of shit that their whole planet just exploded, sparing only Kal-El or as we all know him, Superman. Maybe this is why he wears underwear over his pants because it doesn’t really matter.

Yes. The whole build up was for this last line and if you have any question — raise your hand and put it over your mouth.

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