There’s No Rehab For Social Media
Things are getting out of hand
I couldn’t sleep in the last night. It was one of those times when everything was fine with my life but I just woke up and couldn’t go back to bed. I usually open YouTube and see a spiritual talk, because the only way for me to realize that maybe there’s a God is when it is 3 AM and I can’t sleep and don’t know what is happening with my life. So I enable Wifi connectivity on my phone and immediately this notification pops up saying that ‘MK Sarvesh likes your photo on Instagram 3 minutes ago’.
Imagine instead of liking a photo on social media at 3 AM, you went to your friend’s house, rang the bell and told him “hey sorry I know its late, but I just dropped into say you look nice in that trekking outfit”. If that ever happened, you would be pepper sprayed.
Firstly why are people awake so late into the night? Why is it that we can’t sleep at nights? I’ve seen homeless people in railway stations fast asleep and they don’t have shit going on for them. I have everything to live the most comfortable life and yet I wake up and remain sleepless for hours and then when I get sleep it is too close to my waking up time… so i’m forced to wake up and rush to my job. I guess I should try going homeless to see if that helps me sleep better.
I don’t understand why it’s called social media and not a drug-for-unlimited-mental- engagement. When I wake up I have the urge to check social media. I try to push it away as much as I can. I read the paper. I get ready for breakfast but even while brushing my teeth i’m dying to hold my phone and use a little internet. Just a little something to get me started for the day. I have to check my phone or else I am sure that I’ll get a few rashes from my 7 hours of social media withdrawal.
I keep getting new followers everyday and what is worse is that I follow new people every day so my social media feed gets longer. I knew, this was getting out of hand and at this point any sane person would say delete the app and live your life you boring-having-everything-yet-sleepless prick. But instead of deleting the app, do you know what I did? I just unfollowed people to make my feed smaller. I decided only to follow successful people, close friends and pretty women. That has to be the stupidest strategy. Cocaine is still cocaine be it when it is supplied by a rich ass dealer who rolls up to your house in a car or be it when is supplied by a broke kid who cycles [a true peddler].
While I was starting out as a stand up, I remember reading an article by a veteran comic who advised newer comics to spend their time immersed in productive activity and told comics to keep track of the time they spend on social media.In that same article he mentioned other tips like networking, be patient, get on stage as much as I can. I’ve followed every but of advice on that article except the one that includes track your social media usage. I can’t handle the truth. It would be time wasted on shit that is not mentally stimulating and on the contrary is making me feel like shit by adding to my insecurities.
I think I need to check into rehab. But there’s no rehab for social media addicts. Maybe it has to be built. It should be a place where you can slowly withdraw from social media. It is always worth reminding yourself what life would be without social media. We would wake up and go to our jobs and not think of our employment as shitty in comparison to that traveler who is pretending to have a kick ass life while secretly worrying everyday about being broke. It would mean spending time with people we love because we enjoy being around them without putting up a photo of your friend and then checking the number of likes and comments on that photo every 5 milliseconds of your life when you are with another friend. It would mean that you sleep early and well because you’re actually tired after spending a day being physically, socially and mentally engaged.
But all of that sucks because right now because I've got to check 50 Instagram stories of people doing profoundly unremarkable activities like petting a stupid ugly squirrel. I’ve got to stop now. I can’t do this any longer. I can’t write this blog anymore. It has been too long since I checked Instagram and the withdrawal rashes are starting to appear.
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