The Sturg’s Anti-Bucket List

A prompt inspired by the list by Ginger Cook

Photo by Daniel Herron on Unsplash

I don’t know if you intended this to be a prompt, Ginger, but it reads a lot like a topic that should be a prompt. I’m a pretty open-minded person but there are definitely some things that I wouldn’t want to check off of my list before my life is over.

I also have a bucket list but I’m not going to be including any of those items. Here are ten things that I won’t be attempting to do ever.

1. Go on an exotic food tour of the world — Yeah, I don’t know if I really have to explain this one. I don’t want to travel just to try things like snake meat, monkey brains, crickets, and things I’d never imagine eating while I’m at home. I can’t even stomach when other people are eating liver and onions around me. I’m definitely not going to be eating anything any more repulsive than that.
2. Swimming with sharks — Yeah, this is another thing you’ll never see me doing, ever. I’m scared enough just watching Shark Week. If I’m going to have a near-heart attack watching sharks on TV, I’m certainly not going to want to be up close and personal with them in real life.
3. Run a marathon — Running and training to run for 26.2 miles just to be the fastest person or to say that you’ve completed that long run is one of the most pointless things I’ve ever heard anybody brag about. I can’t even run a mile and the last time that I did it back in high school, I was completing that in 18 minutes. I’m not in shape and physically I’m in chronic pain so this feels wrong to me on so many levels.
4. Climb a mountain — Much like the last thing on this list, the aim seems pointless. Plus, in this case, people die trying this in some parts of the world so I’ll definitely pass here. If I even make it up to the top, I’d need to most likely be airlifted down and will be sore for months so I’m definitely not looking to be that adventurous.
5. Pay for sex intentionally— No, I’ve never wondered what sex with a prostitute was like. Technically, though, I’ve already done this one but not intentionally and not with foreknowledge of the setup but that story is for another day. I’m saying that I wouldn’t do this with the knowledge beforehand and seek it out. Plus, I have a wonderful partner who I’m very happy with. I don’t need to pay.
6. Go high up in the air in an open-air transport vehicle — I don’t see the appeal of hot-air balloons. Plus, I’m afraid of heights as it is so attempting to do this, especially on a windy day, would scare the crap out of me. It would be even worse if I were parasailing or hang gliding. I’m just not compatible with moving fast, being in the air, and being above ground at the same time. I could barely handle being in the Willis Tower (formerly Sears Tower) in Chicago and I went on a cloudy day when I couldn’t see down and I was inside.
7. Attend a megachurch — If I already don’t see the appeal in regular church, why would I want to go to a commercialized, manipulated souped-up, and somehow watered-down version of religion all at the same time just for the sake of giving a “religious leader” my money? I spit on the Joel Osteens and the Jim Bakkers of the world and think that their tactics draw in millions of people in a very insidious way. I’ll stay away from manipulation and greed through “religion.”
8. Go hunting — I’m not against gun ownership, per se. I say that to each their own, and it’s not my business to tell anyone what to do with their legally owned guns. I’m just not a major proponent of using them myself. Hunting? What is the point of shooting and killing an animal and then keeping them as a trophy and or gutting them for its meat? I don’t even like the gamy taste of venison, either. I would be a vegetarian but I really like hamburgers. I’m just going to pass on ever trying this pointless and primal sport.
9. Take a selfie with a wild animal — I don’t even know if I’d want to do this with one in captivity like a zoo. I know that zoo animals are trained but as you’ve seen many times before, animals will act on their primal instincts. Harambe the Gorilla had to be put down and that was the kid’s fault. I’m just not ever going to try what some people have been brazen enough to do. I’ll just continue to watch other people do this and stay on this side of the action with my life intact, thanks.
10. Get a piercing or a tattoo — You might be thinking, “Sturg, you’re so cool and awesome, you don’t have a tattoo?” No, I don’t. It started with my conservative religious upbringing but then it continued with, “I don’t have the stomach to withstand that kind of pain.” Sure, it’s a coward’s way out but I look at it this way. I don’t want to get old or stretched out with a tattoo that won’t look the same in 20–30 years and I also don’t want to be buried with some sort of art that an anthropologist could dig up. I’m not saying that the skin art would survive that long but it could.

These are just ten things that I could think of. I have a ton more that I could put on this list but these are the ones I’ll never do so I had to include them here. I had such fun putting this list together that I’m going to invite some other writers along to do this challenge with me. Use the tag “Anti Bucket List” so it is more easily visible and able to associate with the original stories.

Adrienne Beaumont, JoAnn Ryan, Anne Bonfert, Jillian Amatt - Artistic Voyages, Linda Ng, Blogs by J, Sieran Lane, The Celtic Chameleon

Here’s Ginger’s story that inspired me to write my own story. This one is pretty hilarious. You should definitely give this a read first for some inspiration. I know that it helped me.

Backward Bucket List