
A List Of Things I’d Rather Do Than Get My Baby Shots
I took my little guy to the doctor today to get some of his moles checked out. Yep, despite my ongoing efforts to slather him in sunscreen and keep him covered with long sleeved clothing and a hat, he’s an infant who is already getting moles. Thanks, sun, you dick.
The doctor said all the moles were fine and asked if I wanted to get his shots since it was time for them now anyway. I don’t know about you other moms, but I have to mentally prepare myself before we get shots. Mental pre-shot-prep often includes Googling everything I can find about said shots and falling down a rabbit hole of mom forums and anti-vaxxer articles, scaring myself into a frenzy followed by a scrumptious baked treat (for me), meditation, having a trusted friend or family member talk me down off my ledge and then maybe another baked good slash stiff drink.
But today, none of that was allowed to happen. Instead, there I was, sitting with my little dude who trusts me implicitly to do the right thing and care for him, and I gave my doctor permission to jab him and shoot him up with God knows what. It sucks. I hate it. But my millennial-aged sitter, who happened to be with me because she was going to take him home afterwards while I went to my own Doctor appointment said, “What’s Rubella?” which reminded me why I choose to vaccinate my child.
But look, lots of moms choose not to vaccinate their kids and there are reasons why, some I understand and some I don’t and this is not about that. We can save that can of worms for another day. Today, I just want to write a list of things I’d rather do than go to get my baby his shots.
By the way, he hates getting shots, duh. He screams and looks super sad and then gets sleepy and loopy and sometimes gets a fever and did I mention it sucks? I hate it maybe even more than he does. But I hate the alternatives even more. So one more time: list of things I’d rather do than go get my baby his shots.
Eat ice cream
Read a book
Write a Facebook post
Clean the cat litter box
Take a nap
Try a new baked food combo, like, waffles meet muffins, a.k.a. muffles
Do laundry
Take a shower
Make my bed
Wash grapes
Play with baby
Clean my closet out
Upload photos of things I want to sell onto Ebay
Write a story and try to pitch it somewhere
Clean my jewelry
Pet my kitty cat
Look up a new pair of sneakers to buy online
Peruse old photos of my baby
Make food for his next few meals
Tweet some bad jokes
Wash only my feet
Go get a massage at this place with a “No Hanky Panky” sign
Take a walk with my baby guy
Weigh myself
Make these awesome no bake cookies I dig a lot
Vaccuum my living room
Brush my teeth
Brush my hair
Cut my hair
Dye my hair blonde
Text a friend
Tidy up baby’s play area
Write out some ideas on my white board
Write a song
Play my guitar or ukulele
Watch Ozarks on Netflix (I LOVE IT)
But instead, I dutifully take the baby to the doctor and get his shots. And cross my fingers. And hold my breath. And give him extra hugs. And feel thankful for modern medicine.
Jessica Delfino is a comedian, musician, writer and new mom who writes about life with one baby, one husband and one cat. She is currently developing a TV show about motherhood and writes about #momlife at Mommyish.com, VH1.com, her blog Jessy Delfino’s Blog, on The Coo on Facebook and Twitter, and more.
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