
Someone Who Taught
Skirt down, you acting like me
Acting like we, wasn’t more than a summer fling
I said farewell, you took it well
Boys have always been apart of my life. They were there growing up, they were there in school, and they were there in relationships. They’ve always been in my life, but when I turned 20, they started to become a more important fixture.
Sophomore year of college, I met a boy that was talented. He worked in music and had a strive for launching his career. I found that attractive — but I didn’t find him attractive. My mind wanted to pretend that I found him attractive because he was talented, so I let it. My mind told me that he was amazing and that I’ll eventually get over the fact that he’s not my type and treated me like crap. But, who knows maybe I would… But, I didn’t. He told me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship because his music was more important and he would rather sleep around. I gave someone unattractive a chance and they made it seem like I was the one who was unattractive. Huh.
So, I cried for a day then moved on.
The next boy who broke my heart was during my second-half of Junior year. Before starting this story, I would like to offer context. Between my Sophomore heartbreak and my Junior heartbreak — I moved to New York — where I led boys on and left them when I moved back to California. There was something about getting revenge from the heartbreak I had from Sophomore year. They were just boys — I never humanized them.
Now let’s go back to my Junior-year heartbreak. This boy was older — he was wise, but not in the right ways. He had opinions that sometimes didn’t make much sense expect in his world. This boy was a dreamer — he moved from Atlanta to California and he dreamed to make his own version of the California dream. This boy didn’t exactly break my heart — due to the fact that I was the one who left him — but it was during our time together that he continually let me down.
There were too many times where he would show a side of himself to me that went against everything that I stood for. I was changing myself for this boy, so I had to let him go. He was older, but he was immature. His views were messed up, yet he told me what to do. It became a dependent relationship on my end, but I’m glad that I left him.
Those are the only two relationships that I want to mention. There are others who were here and there, and there was someone that was special to me in high school that I would rather not go into detail about.
Now, I’m nearing the end of my college career — I’m graduating and I want to say that I’m happy with the trials that I have been through with these relationships. I don’t want to say that I have been wasting time because I’ve learned something throughout each of the boys I have talked to. Though, there is something that I have noticed throughout each of the relationships that I have had, which is the fact that I always pretend to not be into them.
This is another subject that I have noticed about myself. When I’m interested in someone, I don’t humanize them. It’s something that I do to make it look like I’m not as interested as I really am. I don’t like showing my feelings to other people easily, so I hide them. I play games. I don’t want to get hurt. I guard my heart because people tend to play with it, but that was until I met this boy.
A beautiful boy with dark hair and a contagious smile. I fell smitten for this boy because on our first date he told me that he came with his walls down. He was comfortable with himself and told me that he didn’t want to get hurt anymore. He knew what he wanted and told me what his insecurities were. His openness made me feel comfortable and we clicked. We clicked too well, like there was no awkwardness to the whole situation. He’s beautiful and I hope to keep that for a long, long time.
I don’t know where this is going to go, but I have what I learned from the boys that I talked to. Each one of them taught me something, but I think it’s time that I teach myself about things and enjoy the ride with this beautiful boy for support.

