Inside LOI — Pressure Point
Introducing Inside LOI, a column on life in football written by an anonymous League of Ireland footballer. His first column is about the fine margins of pressure.
Pressure in sport is nothing new. The pressure to win. It’s what makes the game worthwhile. Whatever the game is for you. For me, it’s football. I’m a League of Ireland footballer. I’ve played in England. I’ve experienced the game on both sides of the Irish Sea. But one thing that has remained consistent, is that the pressure doesn’t change.
It’s an addictive feeling when you beat whatever doubts are in your head and it’s what makes you keep going after a crap performance.
That pressure on yourself. The expectations of vocal and sometimes discontented fans. And the unspoken pressure that you place on yourself as to not let down those you care about.
We’ve all felt it before in some way or another. It’s that heart-thumping feeling, butterflies in the stomach. The little voice in your head telling you you’re going to fail, right when you don’t need it the most.
I’m standing in the tunnel before a cup game against Sheffield United. It’s on Sky. Ah fuck. “What if I mess up?” Something I’ve dreamt of is slowly becoming a nightmare. Friends and family are watching. The doubts creep in, “I shouldn’t be here, I’m gonna be found out”. It’s crippling.
I hope when the first whistle blows the doubts will disappear. Isn’t that what’s supposed to happen? They don’t. First touch is all wrong and I feel lethargic. It was terrible. No enjoyment. I ask myself on the bus journey home “Why do I do this to myself?”. Another sleepless night, more post-match insomnia. We’ve all been there. Any sports person will say they’ve bottled it at some point.
That pressure is just a part of life. It’s part of elite-level sport. And it’s been there for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid playing locally, when everyone else on the team was enjoying the game, like normal kids; I needed to win. I felt like I had to perform — I wanted and expected myself to perform. To the point where it effected my mood for days on end if we lost.
Going through my childhood, heaping pressure on myself, it was normal to me. Then going across the water and you feel like this is your chance. In your young naive mind, this is it. It’s all or nothing. If you fail (like most who do) then you’re a failure. But you’ll be that one to two percent; you tell yourself you’re different.
That feeling of crippling self-doubt after a spell of poor performances, because you can’t or don’t know how to cope with the pressure that you heap on yourself. Or the pressure from those around you. It’s the reason players can’t be bothered with the game anymore.
Lads go away, come back and don’t even play anymore. They say they don’t enjoy it. It’s down to pressure. They get a shock once the playing in the park with the friend’s days are over.
Every day in an environment where your competing with someone or multiple people at once, it’s draining and it’s not for everyone. The transfer window opens and there’s new signings. Suddenly you’re down the pecking order now. The new lad in your position is flying and it all plays in your head.
That’s what competition is supposed to feel like. Some people will embrace it, improve and then thrive, others will bottle it. Or they get their chance but they choke.
Some players seem to love it. They live for the big games. Big moments. They soak it up and embrace it all. 50,000 eyes in the stadium are on you. Especially when you have Newcastle away, loads of screaming Geordies. It can be a good thing, pressure. Who wouldn’t want to play in a packed out stadium on a beautiful pitch? It’s all about how you look at it. That’s the other side of pressure in top level sport. You play a simple pass to a teammate five yards away and its met with applause. You get an ego-boost and your confidence is sky high.
They are the margins. It’s being able to live within those margins that marks you out.
