My Dear Reha,
I broke down yesterday.
Maturity does mean that you don’t have weaker moments. Wisdom does not mean that you have no tears. And tears don’t mean that you are not strong. These trying times often give you strength to put up a brave front.
In fact it was my wish to break down into tears yesterday. I had kept my promise not to go weak on my knees and bring tears on my face before your Meethi Ma. But yesterday, I wanted to wet the very bed on which we slept together….for the last time ..on that night..! Slept ? For an hour? Did I ? No idea.
Suddenly you got up in the middle of the night from your floor bed. My left hand was loosely around your Meethi Ma’s neck. Perhaps She made some sound or perhaps you saw a dream. You rushed towards our bed and took a full view of your Meethi Ma right under the night bulb, caressed Her, kissed Her forehead and went back.
We did not talk. We never wanted to talk. There was no need to talk.
Is this the Time He has chosen? Should we let go ? We had been preparing ourselves for this day for the last many months. But scared we were. We did not have the guts to feel her pulse. We had become a machine.
Outside it was pitch dark. No movement …..just still. All others , eight of them, were in their respective rooms. I doubt if anyone was sleeping. But She was. No pain, no discomfort. Only a divine charm on Her face. Only hours before She had kissed me in Her own way.
Our eyes which were wet made a small contact . We had been avoiding even eye contacts for some time to keep away from bursting into tears , I realised much later.
It could be 1.11 am, this number had been troubling me for the last more than 5 years, when I heard a strange sound for a second, coming from Her nose and I got up.My left hand was almost near Her chin and right hand on Her head combing Her hair softly. She was lying motionless with Her face tilted towards me. Her Soul passed through the space between my thumb and index finger like a soft fragrance of air. Her last breath. She died peacefully in her sleep.
You were right in front almost touching your Meethi Ma’s feet. I was by Her side. Our eyes were fixed. The silence was deafening. Time had frozen. Only three of us were left in the whole Universe. It was all dark outside. Scary dark……….
Your Meethi Ma was in an eternal state of bliss………
Your Meethi Ma is in an eternal state of bliss…………
We will talk about Her. We will think about Her. And at times we will also weep for Her. No one can stop……