On Learning Safety After Growing Up In Chaos
“I have to remind myself that the chaos is gone, that this moment, right here, is safe”
Growing up in chaos, you don’t learn how to feel safe. You learn how to survive.
You learn to read the tension in a room before you even step into it, scanning for the subtlest shift in energy, the slightest change in someone’s tone or body language.
You learn to measure your words, your breath, the weight of your silence, because any small misstep could tip the balance and turn the calm into chaos.
You learn to keep your guard up, even when you’re smiling, because safety isn’t a given — it’s a momentary illusion, and you know it can vanish in an instant.
You learn to exist on high alert. It becomes a part of you. This constant readiness, this ever-present hypervigilance, like a survival instinct you didn’t ask for but can’t seem to shake. All because you’ve learned to brace yourself for impact, even when there’s no immediate threat. Because the other shoe always drops, right? Maybe not now, but eventually, and you’ll be ready when it does.
What you don’t learn is how to settle.
You don’t learn how to trust a quiet moment without wondering what’s lurking around the corner…
