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People-Pleasing Is A Form of Emotional Unavailability, Too
How can anyone truly know or love you if you keep minimizing your own wants and needs?
Let me guess: you’ve spent so long tuning in to what other people need that, at some point, you stopped asking yourself what you need.
You’ve lost touch with your preferences, your boundaries, maybe even your opinions. You feel more guilt setting a boundary than you do breaking one. You hesitate before answering, scanning for the “right” response instead of the honest one.
From the outside, that kind of shrinking can look like kindness. Like flexibility. Like being “the easy one”. But really… It’s self-abandonment dressed up as care.
You become so practiced at avoiding friction that even your closest relationships start to feel distant. You offer support but never ask for it. You say you’re fine when you’re not. You’re present, but not fully there. And eventually, the ache sets in: the longing to be known, the frustration of being misunderstood, the quiet question — why doesn’t anyone see me?
But how can they, if you never let them?
People-pleasing doesn’t just keep things calm. It keeps you hidden.
