You Can Have Empathy And Still Set Boundaries
Real empathy does not require self-sacrifice
There’s this pervasive idea that when someone is suffering, or when we understand the reasons behind their behavior, it’s cold or even cruel to set boundaries. We’re often told that compassion means enduring their chaos, putting up with their hurtful actions, and sacrificing our own well-being for the sake of their feelings.
Some of us are conditioned to operate this way more than others. If you’re a people pleaser, chances are you mistake assertiveness for aggressiveness. You avoid setting boundaries because you fear being “too aggressive” but then you downplay real aggressiveness in others, no matter how much they hurt you.
I know this feeling all too well because I’ve been there myself.
At the start of my healing journey, I struggled with this dilemma. I was not only becoming aware of my own trauma but also of all the trauma within my family. And with every layer of pain I peeled back, I felt torn. I had so much grief and empathy — for both myself and my family — yet I was also starting to see how their dysfunction affected my mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
This delicate dance between empathy and self-preservation is very real. It’s a struggle that many of us face, where the…
