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You Don’t Need To Know Exactly How To Set Boundaries
You need to feel worthy of setting them
When we realize we need more boundaries in our lives, our minds fill with questions. How am I going to set them? How am I going to say no? If they still disrespect me, what should I say? How should I react?
These questions are more than valid. It’s natural to want a clear plan because it feels like having a script to follow will make it easier. This is especially true when we’re venturing into unknown territory — knowing exactly what to say and how to say it makes us feel more prepared.
However, when it comes to boundaries, even the most detailed plan won’t be effective if the key ingredient is missing.
You’ve been there, right? Standing at the crossroads of wanting to assert your needs and feeling paralyzed by the ‘how.’
It’s easy to get caught up in the mechanics of boundary-setting, rehearsing different scenarios, imagining the precise words to use, the perfect moments to voice our limits. We might think, “If I just say it this way, maybe they’ll understand,” or “What if they get angry or disappointed?”. It makes sense — we’ve spent years bending over backwards to please everyone but ourselves. So of course we need to rehearse. Of course we need to explore several options and approaches.
But as someone who’s been there, let me tell you…
This mental gymnastics, as natural as it is, isn’t what ultimately matters when the moment of setting boundaries inevitably arrives.
What matters — what truly matters — is how worthy you feel of setting your boundaries.
Because when you believe in your own value and right to be respected, setting boundaries comes naturally. When you genuinely understand that you deserve respect and that your needs are valid, you can’t not stand up for yourself, no matter how complicated or manipulative the other person may be.
When you know, for a fact, that YOU ARE WORTHY of setting boundaries…If someone disrespects you, minimizes you, or tries to manipulate you, your first instinct is “Heck no. I’m not going to tolerate this. I don’t deserve to be treated this way”.
