To change yourself, don’t look down. Look up.
Chatting today with my bestie about the topic of being vulnerable brought up some insights on something I’ve been working on lately with my clients.
See, I’ve noticed a pattern in human behavior:
When we, under the influence of the human condition, are not willing to make the leap to grow, we compare ourselves to those doing less than we are instead of aiming high to the level above us and working to be/do more.
The inner dialogue sounds something like this…
“Well, technically I’m doing more than others so I must be doing something right.”
And yet, this reasoning will keep us anchored in the ‘just good enough’ mentality with no real drive to excel beyond the comfort of what is.
Don’t get me wrong…
It’s great to notice you are doing more than most. Fabulous. That means you are not below average. And so, where you ARE average is in your thinking that good enough is good enough.
Just keep in mind, there are no participation trophies given in life as an adult.
At least, not for anything that creates any really success or value in life.
If you have goals and dreams and a legacy to create, let me tell you, good enough will not get you there.
Successful people don’t settle for that.
They’ve succeed because they accept nothing less than excellence. While on the flip side, the average mind lacks the necessary stamina and emotional resiliency to manage the kind of rawness real transformation requires.
It demands one being brutally honest with themselves…the ultimate form of vulnerability…to address where limitations and fears are running the show.
When I notice a client comparing down, I see their gaze focused on lack mentality; a belief that they do not feel good enough or worthy enough to look up and aim higher. But without a clear willingness to shift this through personal introspection, they will fight viciously to stay in that holding pattern.
You wouldn’t be on a tightrope and looking down the entire time, would you?
Or climb a mountain with your head turned down to the base of the mountain as you made your ascent, would you?
Or run a marathon with your gaze focused on the starting line, would you?
Of course, not!
You’d trip over your own feet and give up before you gained any traction.
If you really want to win, you would be focused forward…to the top..at the finish line. You’d be studying those who’ve gone before you and figuring out how they won so you could have an edge.
Complacency will kill your dreams.
Breaking out of your comfort zones will materialize them.
It’s the difference between comparison and calibration.
When we compare to others, and place ourselves on a pedestal of “I’m doing more than these people,” we’ll also compare ourselves to those we admire, thinking, “If only I had a fraction of their luck, skill, looks or wealth, I’d be that successful too!”
I’ve seen this behavior at the root of SO many clients’ self-sabotage patterns with food, alcohol, drugs, procrastination, tv marathons and even sex.
Comparison keeps us in the not-enough state of mind, righteous and pridefully arrogant…or pridefully ignorant, if you want to get really real…doing everything we can to protect what we think is safe and secure.
Aka: our comfort zone.
However, if we begin to calibrate upward, we notice opportunities for growth EVERYWHERE, even in our own mistakes. We stop looking for ways to justify our complacency and start looking for ways to challenge it.
When I have a client stuck, I ask them:
What does the person you admire do differently than you?
Is there a habit, a beingness, or even or skillset they have that you don’t?
If you don’t see it, you’re fooling yourself.
When you see it, follow in their footsteps.
I heard a great interview with Andy Frisella and Ed Mylett talking about how people take mentor relationships for granted by seeking validation from that mentor instead of a swift kick in the A**. Basically put, we look up to them, wait for them to give us permission to be great, then don’t do squat about it.
Instead, we’d be much better off taking their guidance, no matter how harsh, and applying every last bit of it with gratitude for them sharing their wisdom.
There’s a great deal of humility that has to happen here.
If you are unwilling to let that happen, nothing will change.
Why not start today in aiming high? Who do you want to emulate? What can you shift in your life such that you can begin calibrating your current self to that higher self?
About the author:
Alida is an Intuitive Life Strategist, student of comparative religions, and co-owner of Mind Soul Fit OC in Newport Beach, CA. Her coaching company, Ambassador for Goodness, hosts various workshops on mindfulness, spiritual entrepreneurship, intuitive eating, art therapy, and relationship success. This blog is also a podcast called Wisdom Nuggets and can be found on iTunes, Anchor, Google Play Music, Overcast, Pocketcasts and almost anywhere podcasts are found!
