This Thing We Are (Or Not).

I miss you. Since we met, you’ve been on my mind the most. All I want to do at this moment is to come over to your place and take a nap with you.

But I can’t. You’re busy tonight hot tubbing with your girl friends. Thank you for casually mentioning this to me yesterday. I’m totally fine with you being semi naked with semi naked women in a tub of steaming water on a cool night.

I know we are not together. I know you are not mine. We talk a lot; laugh a lot. The sex has been raw and wonderful. But just because we fuck three to four times between the hours of 10pm-8am every two to three days doesn’t mean that my heart and the feelings that come with it are not involved. I don’t share my body with just anyone. I trust you with it. Like I trust you with the secrets I’ve never shared with anyone but you.

For your sake, I wish I didn’t feel so strongly for you. But I’ve just been myself, and I don’t want to hold back. I want to feel and potentially break, rather than regretting not allowing myself to feel at all.

You said you’re not ready for relationship yet. You asked me to be patient. You made it clear that if I need this to move faster, you can’t be that guy for me. I don’t want to move fast. I’m not ready for that either. I just want to move together till it doesn’t make sense to do so anymore — whenever that may be.

You’ve confidently made it clear that I have nothing to worry about. But you’ve made it known that it’s well within the realm of possibility for you to be with other women while seeing me. Can you see how that could be confusing to a mind like mine?

To make it clear — I like you. I don’t think you even realize this, but you are an extremely caring person. You have an incredibly good heart. I see that. I see you. I like that you call me out on my bullshit. I like that we can be unfiltered around each other.

Maybe I’m crazy. But you’re a maniac. If this doesn’t work, it won’t be because I was looking around, trying to constantly compare you in relation to other potential matches.