The Lie of Getting “Small Yeses” In Sales (And Why “No” Should Sound Like Music To Your Ears)

Last week, I received a cold call during dinner from someone who could only be described as a “telemarketer.”

He introduced himself, inauthentically asked how I was doing, and then launched into his home alarm pitch…

Chris, do you want to keep your family safe and secure?

*Sigh* “Yes.”

Do you want to protect the belongings you’ve worked so hard for?

“Sure.”

Do you want to ensure no intruders could ever possibly enter your home?

Finally I said “No, my shotgun is starting to get kind of dusty,” and then hung up (in my defense, it was a long day).

This was an extreme example of getting small “yeses” in sales conversations. I’m sure no one reading this blog would make their questions so obviously condescending and manipulative.

But we, as sales professionals, are often trained to get “small yeses” from potential customers in order to build up to the “big yes” (the signed deal), as if people can be manipulated by something so simple and obvious.

The theory is that it starts training your buyer to say “yes” to you, and gets them in a positive frame of mind.

After reading Chris Voss’s amazing new book Never Split the Difference, my perspective on “getting a yes” has completely changed.

Chris Voss was the head of international hostage negotiations for the FBI for around 15 years.

If he failed in a negotiation setting, lives were usually on the line. When you play for stakes like that, you learn very quickly what works, and what doesn’t.

Chris argues that the problem with “getting small yeses” is that it’s just a theory, and it actually backfires. In fact, it destroys the sense of freedom and autonomy in the person you’re interacting with, and they begin to tense up and lose trust in you.

Further, he doesn’t just make the claim that “getting small yeses” is ineffective, he believes the opposite principle is true: Forcing customers to say “no.”

When you ask questions in a way that, instead, elicits a “no,” you have given your counterpart the illusion of control. They feel a sense of autonomy, and a freedom to respond how they wish.

And because of that, they are inclined to respond in favor of you (yet all the while, feeling in-control as they do).

Here’s an example…

I recently had a prospect who had “gone dark” for a few weeks. None of my “yes” emails had been working (i.e. “Can we get this back on the calendar?”).

So, I tried what Chris recommends, and sent an email that said…

“Have you given up on wanting to continue to explore Conversature?”

His response (might I add, within 2 hours)?

“No, so sorry for not getting back to you sooner Chris. Just been swamped. Can you talk Tuesday at 9am EST?”

And to think I could have gotten him back on the calendar weeks ago. Oh, the things we learn.

When you ask a question in a way that’s designed to “force a yes,” people start to feel as if their autonomy is being taken away (after all, saying “no” is the ultimate expression of autonomy). They feel your attempt to manipulate them (even if you’re better at it than the telemarketer at the beginning of this post).

When you frame your questions in a way that elicit’s a “no,” your counterpart relaxes, unconsciously basks in their freedom to choose, and becomes more agreeable.

Some more examples:

• Is there any reason we can’t start now?
• Is there any part of this proposal that you’re not okay with?
• Do you want your revenue to continue to sag?
• Would you be opposed to having your VP of Sales see a demo?

A final note on this: I’m sure someone out there is thinking “Asking questions like that gives them an easy out!”

Let me put it this way: If I ask “Is there any part of this proposal you’re not okay with?” and they bring up an unaddressed concern, it was going to come up sooner or later, but probably manifesting itself as the prospect going “dark.”

In this way, I either get an “affirmative no,” or I get the key concerns out on the table immediately, so I have something tangible to deal with, preventing them from inexplicably “going dark.”

But let’s take the opposite scenario. What if the customer doesn’t have any remaining concerns. They are pretty much ready to go. Let’s say I ask a forced-yes question: Can we go ahead and get this signed?

Now, they may say “yes.” In fact, it’s probable. But just me asking in this way forces them to hesitate, and feel a sense of pressure (and a removal of autonomy).

But when I ask the same customer “Is there any reason we can’t sign this now?” somehow, the tension is non-existent compared to the “yes” approach. They pause to consider, take a deep breath to signal their sense of control, and finally say “Nope, let’s do it.”

Give it a try, but more importantly, notice its frictionless effect on you when you are on the other side of the table.

Originally published at blog.conversature.com on September 6, 2016.