To Tell the Person, Or To Let Things Silently Fizzle?

Chemistry is like porn. Hard to define, but you know when you see it. For the record, I’m talking about the figurative romantic spark between people. Not the chemistry with test tubes and electrons and periodic tables and whatnot.

Although chemistry the science is also a lot like porn. There’s bonding, mixing of fluids, sometimes even explosions. Chemistry has protons and neutrons; porn has hardons.

But I digress. The point is, you can put two compatible people together, but that doesn’t mean sparks are gonna fly like the it’s the Fourth of July. Sometimes it just works. Sometimes not so much.

Such was the case with a girl we’ll call Ellen, whom I recently stopped seeing. We went out probably four times. Nice girl. What I like about Ellen is that, like me, she’s entered her 30's but is not ready to give up her 20's lifestyle. Also, she actually backed up her claim that she enjoyed sarcasm, unlike Allie.

Despite all that, something something just wasn’t clicking. Spending time with her was perfectly enjoyable, but I didn’t miss her when we she’s gone. She’s no Anna Kendrick is I guess what I’m saying.

Our fourth date was going to see a movie. Movie dates are great because you don’t have to talk and you don’t have to clean up after yourself. Everywhere is a trash can. She wanted the Entourage movie (red flag right there), but I tricked her into getting my way: Jurassic World. It was good-not-great. The dinosaurs were cool, but it was the movie equivalent of a basic bitch: corny, predictable, and almost entirely caucasian.

Anyway, over the next few days, I thought about wether I wanted to go out with her again. Despite the positives I mentioned, I’m not sure there’s much to her beyond the surface level of her personality. Here’s a pro tip, ladies (or actually, anyone): Don’t be afraid to have opinions on things, especially if you can back them up. Signs of intelligence.

I can’t be certain, but Ellen might be the kind of person who doesn’t have many books in her apartment. Now, I know there’s merit to faking it ‘til you make it, but when my attitude towards her is 3 letters long (meh), I think that’s a sign to pull a Princess Elsa and Let It Go.

Actually, here’s the real test: imagine you’ve got some sort of party coming up. Some of your friends will be there, and you’ll meet some new people as well. Do you want to bring this new person along as your date? You’ll get to show him/her off and remind your friends that you’re not a complete dingbat when it comes to dating. On the other hand, what if The One is there? You’ll be hamstrung by your date who is pretty-good-but-probably-not-The-One. It certainly can’t be healthy to constantly be looking for something better, but it also can’t be healthy to settle.

So the next question is, how does one go about “letting it go”? Do I even have to have that mildly uncomfortable conversation? Or can I just hope to never hear from her again and fade into oblivion (otherwise known as the Houdini method)? Because my guess is that she was feeling the same way I was.

Arguments for letting her know what’s up:

— We’ve been on four dates. That’s not nothing.
— She’s a nice girl.
— People generally like to know where they stand with people.

Arguments for not letting her know what’s up:

— We barely made it past first base. That’s nearly nothing.
— She doesn’t seem all that into me anyway.
— No one likes to hear that someone doesn’t like them all that much.

I’m really curious to hear what the proper etiquette is in these situations. At what point are you obligated to actually break up with someone?

After a few days of radio silence, I figured I had chosen the fizzle-out method by default. But it was kind of nagging at me. So after another few days, I sent her a text along the lines of (I’m paraphrasing:) “sorry I’ve been out of touch, don’t really see us getting to a serious level”. She gave me a response along the lines of “no worries” and that was that.

So…open-ended poll: How did I do? Was it the right move? Should have I just pulled a Beatles and Let It Be?

Comment away, please.

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