很多非母語的人在寫英文時，都忽略這個重要的細節

Photo by Nick Morrison on Unsplash

我的工作需要看非常多的英文。

其中有英文母語的人寫的，也有非母語的人寫的。最近，我注意到一個兩者之間很明顯的差別，很少有人提到，因為它無關文法正確，也不是用字遣詞多有學問，多文雅。

差別，在句子的長短。

Well，更正確的來說，是長句跟短句的交錯。

我發現，非母語人寫的英文句子，不但比英文母語的人寫的長，而且是大部分句子都很長。母語的人，尤其是很會寫的人，則是會把長句跟短句混合搭配。

Ok… So What?

你可能會說 ok，母語的人比較會用短的句子，那又怎樣？句子的長短，跟我寫作的好壞，有關嗎？

關係可大了。

就像音樂或是影片，文字也是「內容」。只要是「內容」，就有它的節奏。你可以想像一首曲子，從頭到尾都是很長的音，而且一點變化都沒有嗎？或是一部很長的影片，從頭到尾都是很長的畫面，而且一點節奏的變化都沒有嗎？

你應該可以想像：這些就是要幫助我們入睡的內容。

所以，如果你想要維持讀者的注意力，我建議適度變換你文字的節奏。

但我們先看案例。

我拿一篇台灣人寫的文，跟另一篇美國人寫的，來做比較：把每個句子都分拆成不同的段落，句子的長短就一目了然了。

台灣案例：Taipei Times Opinion

我們納入開頭的十句來看看：

1. The TAIEX last month rose above 17,000 points as rallies in steel, shipping and some non-tech stocks offset a weakness in semiconductor and electronics stocks.
2. While news about a cluster of local COVID-19 infections connected with China Airlines cargo pilots and a hotel in Taoyuan fueled selling pressure early this month and pushed the local stock market into consolidation mode, the daily market turnover in the first two trading sessions of this month hit fresh highs.
3. Moreover, Taiwan’s stock trading volume last month began to surpass that of Hong Kong for the first time in 15 years, which was beyond most market participants’ expectations.
4. Taiwan’s daily market turnover exceeding Hong Kong’s might gradually become a new normal from this year, and there are good reasons for this.
5. First, Hong Kong’s stock market has lost its appeal to foreign investors since China last year imposed national security legislation on the territory, triggering a potential flight of capital and talent.
6. Second, many wealthy Taiwanese tend to park their overseas funds in Hong Kong, China, Singapore, Switzerland and the US, but government statistics showed that more than 80 percent of funds repatriated by wealthy individuals last year were from Hong Kong, as they saw the political situation in the territory worsen after its self-governance, human rights and freedom of speech were further suppressed.
7. Third, China’s new NASDAQ-style stock board — the Shanghai Stock Exchange’s STAR board — has emerged as a fast-growing capital markets center for Chinese companies at a time when rising China-US tensions have triggered concerns about their prospects of listing in New York, posing a growing challenge to the Hong Kong stock exchange.
8. On the other hand, Taiwan’s economic fundamentals, the central bank’s adoption of extraordinary monetary easing and the government’s fiscal policies have fueled continued rallies in the nation’s stock market since last year.
9. It might be too early to tell how long the consolidation trend might last, as a resurgent COVID-19 outbreak is coloring the global economic outlook, but some insight can be drawn from the stock market:
10. Taiwan’s GDP grew a larger-than-expected 8.16 percent in the first quarter, as exports and private investment remained healthy.

都是一堆很長的句子對不對？

接下來，我們來看美國人寫的句子，也是一個主流媒體的 opinion 文。

美國案例：New York Times Opinion

一樣，來看文章最開始的十句：

1. I miss torturing Liz Cheney.
2. But it must be said that the petite blonde from Wyoming suddenly seems like a Valkyrie amid halflings.
3. She is willing to sacrifice her leadership post — and risk her political career — to continue calling out Donald Trump’s Big Lie.
4. She has decided that, if the price of her job is being as unctuous to Trump as Kevin McCarthy is, it isn’t worth it, because McCarthy is totally disgracing himself.
5. It has been a dizzying fall for the scion of one of the most powerful political families in the land, a conservative chip off the old block who was once talked about as a comer, someone who could be the first woman president.
6. How naïve I was to think that Republicans would be eager to change the channel after Trump cost them the Senate and the White House and unleashed a mob on them.
7. I thought the Donald would evaporate in a poof of orange smoke, ending a supremely screwed-up period of history.
8. But the loudest mouth is not shutting up.
9. And Republicans continue to listen, clinging to the idea that the dinosaur is the future.
10. “We can’t grow without him,” Lindsey Graham said.

注意到了嗎？

台灣人寫的英文，句子都偏長，而且長度都差不多。

美國人寫的就不一樣了：一個只有五個字的句子開頭，然後一堆稍微長一點的句子，然後再來一串短句。

Note: 即使是比較長的句子，那位美國的作者也會用標點符號拆散它：

She is willing to sacrifice her leadership post — and risk her political career — to continue calling out Donald Trump’s Big Lie.

這就好比用句點一樣，讓我們讀起來有點停頓休息的時間。

你可能懷疑我故意挑選很極端了例子出來，而且幹嘛專門打台灣人呢？

所以想到這裡，我從我的書架上，隨便挑了兩本跟科技有關的書出來，而且兩本都是寫給大眾讀的喔：

左邊的，是美國人，矽谷知名投資人 Peter Thiel。右邊的是德國人，但注意了，是一個英文非常好的德國人。他不但是世界經濟論壇的創辦人，研究所也是在哈佛大學唸的。

這兩本書 Introduction 是怎麼寫的？

Klaus Schwab (德國)：

Of the many diverse and fascinating challenges we face today, the most intense and important is how to understand and shape the new technology revolution, which entails nothing less than a transformation of humankind.

We are at the beginning of a revolution that is fundamentally changing the way we live, work, and relate to one another.

In its scale, scope and complexity, what I consider to be the fourth industrial revolution is unlike anything humankind has experienced before.

Peter Thiel (美國)：

Whenever I interview someone for a job, I like to ask this question: “What important truth do very few people agree with you on?

The question sounds easy because it’s straightforward.

Actually, it’s very hard to answer.

It’s intellectually difficult because the knowledge that everyone is taught in school is by definition agreed upon.

See the difference?德國的那位跟我們之前看到的台灣作者一樣，每個句子都很長，而且沒什麼變換。

Peter Thiel 就不一樣了，不時插入簡短有力的句子，彷彿讓我們念到一半突然停頓或是轉彎，然後再用一個比較長的句子給我們更多資訊。

如何變換節奏呢？

Ok fine，看起來真的是有些不同。可是你可能會問：我要怎麼做呢？

很簡單。

你只要回去看你寫出來的英文，是否滿滿的都是很多非常長的句子，跟一堆永無止境的段落，然後看看是否能夠「拆散」他們。

給你們一個例子：我把上面那篇 Taipei Times 的一段，改寫看看。

原版：

Second, many wealthy Taiwanese tend to park their overseas funds in Hong Kong, China, Singapore, Switzerland and the US, but government statistics showed that more than 80 percent of funds repatriated by wealthy individuals last year were from Hong Kong, as they saw the political situation in the territory worsen after its self-governance, human rights and freedom of speech were further suppressed.

改寫成：

Second, wealthy Taiwanese tend to park their overseas funds in many places: Hong Kong, China, Singapore, Switzerland and the US.

But looking at government stats on the funds repatriated by wealthy individuals last year, there was a surprise.

Over 80% came from Hong Kong.

This likely resulted from the territory’s worsening political situation, with self-governance, human rights, and freedom of speech all being suppressed.

好啦，我這個改寫的比較極端，只是為了給大家看節奏的變換，從長句，突然換到短句，再來一個長句。

小撇步：如果有些地方，你有一個很有自信的結論，或是希望提出你的看法。這些地方，就儘量用簡短有力的句子寫出來。

回去試試看！

Bonus Exercise

也不妨去看一些國外以文筆著名的刊物，從一個不同的角度來閱讀他們的文章：看句子的長短，以及讀起來的節奏感。

比如這些：

How ACT UP Changed America

The Chinese Are Coming — to Taiwan?

How to tell other people’s stories