One Last Time
My Final Session With My Favorite Counselor
The Bonus Sessions
Today will be my final session with my counselor, Steven. This will be the third of what I call our “bonus” sessions. Several weeks ago, I thought our time together was over. I’d gone to what I thought was our last scheduled session, but the door was locked, and I didn’t see his car in the parking lot. I assumed he’d already been evicted from the building that will soon be torn down to make way for “progress”. It felt like an empty way for such a valued relationship to end.
Turned out, I was just ahead of myself. That session was actually scheduled for the following week. I went to that one, where I learned that he’d bought a few more weeks in the building. We agreed to meet weekly for these final few weeks.
A Fitting Closure
He seems to think I’ve gotten everything I need to go forward without his guidance, and I suspect he may be right. But, as long as there is an opportunity to meet these last few times, I wanted to take advantage of this. I guess a part of me wants to solidify the lessons I’ve learned — verify that I got them right, that I didn’t miss anything.
Steven just laughs and says, “You’ve got this, Pete. You’re doing great.” For the most part, compared to where I was two years ago when we started, I suppose I am. I just want to make sure this relationship I’ve had with this counselor sees a proper ending, with a closure fitting of something that’s made a real difference in my life.
I was in such a dark place when we began. I had been living on a slippery slope for longer than I realized, morally and ethically. Steven was able to lead me back to solid ground, and help me to lose my attraction to the dangerous slopes I kept finding myself on, for too long.
Doing the Right Things for the Right Reasons
He helped me to see the true value of doing the right things, for the right reasons. He helped me to see my good points in a better light. He helped me to realize that my life was colorful enough without the added dark tones I was splashing onto it. It was my way of dealing with stress, but like any unhealthy stress reliever, it was adding to, instead of taking away from, my stress levels.
I had a total disregard for how I felt. I figured as long as it didn’t affect my relationships, my work, or how people saw me, I could carry the burden of the guilt and shame associated with some of my choices. I thought I had a good way of masking them.
That is until they started coming to the light, as any hidden secrets eventually will. I was ready to throw in the towel, and let it destroy me. It well could have. But I had underestimated the power of love, the power of friendship, the power of forgiveness, and the power of healing.
A Friend in a Crisis
A good friend in the program was there for me when I reached out to him. He had just the right words that sustained me through the crisis, and just the right guidance on where to go from there. One of his recommendations was to start working with a good therapist. He could tell I’d had some deeply rooted problems that had been compelling me to act in a self-destructive manner, despite how well my life appeared to be going, on the outside.
Kathy helped me to find Steven. My last go-round with counseling, I wound up with a counselor who was stuck on a certain set of theories, about how everything related to family structures, and she found answers to my problems in that model. She claimed my problems with a new boss were related to the issues I had with my father.
While I didn’t buy it for a minute, I tried to be open to her ideas and managed to get a little bit out of my sessions with her. As soon as the boss retired, my problems were over. In that case, it WAS him, not me. My next boss promoted me right away and entrusted me with cleaning up a mess that impacted the entire agency. Properly empowered, I was able to succeed in that effort. So much for her theories!
So, I had no idea what to expect with Steven, but I went in with hat in hand, humbled and ready to try to learn and grow. I was hurting at the time, completely ready to do something about the hole I found myself in.
He Listened
What I liked about him was, he took the time to get to know me — all of me, not just me with a problem — and didn’t subject me to any pop theories he had studied and thought would apply to every situation that walked through his door.
He listened — offered a few suggestions, ideas, but was open to my push-backs, if I didn’t think what he suggested applied. We worked out a rhythm that worked.
We Laughed
More than anything, he became a good friend, and, in many ways, a father figure. He was very practical, and he also had a great sense of humor. We laughed a lot in our sessions. Meanwhile, a lot of healing was taking place amidst the laughter.
I know I’m not “there” just yet. I know I am still very capable of starting down another slippery slope at any time, given the right set of circumstances and opportunities. But I also know that all I have to do is think, “how would I explain this one to Steven in a session?” With that thought, I’m pretty sure I’ll wind up doing the right thing. I would want to be able to tell Steven, “I did the right thing.”
For this, I am most grateful.
