Why Do I Feel Invisible?
My personal struggle
Most of my life I have felt quite invisible to most people. However, growing up I basked in the limelight as my dad’s favorite. Hypersensitive and overly emotional as a child I often ended up in tears, which also drew attention.
But once I went to high school in a different district from all of my friends, I became almost totally invisible. Some of that probably resulted from shyness and self protection from school bullying. But I never figured out how to break out of the pattern as an adult.
Not remarkable in looks, wit or intelligence, I don’t attract anyone in those areas. I’ve never learned how to present myself with any flash and don’t seem to have much natural charisma. To all but my closest friends — which includes my husband— I’m mostly part of the scenery.
Of course there are some real advantages to that and generally I’m fine with it. But occasionally something happens to make my inner child rebel and want some limelight again.
This all came up because my great niece committed suicide a bit ago on the same day that her brother’s third child was born. I heard of neither event first hand. And I guess my ego felt slighted, though I have been working to diminish it and increase the faithful and spiritual side of myself.
My emotions also ran the gamut from deep sorrow for my great niece to great joy for the new baby, and that confused and intensified everything.
Praise God, my emotions did settle down and I went back to my normal, peaceful and contented self. But the basic question still niggles at me sometimes, “Why do I seem invisible to most people and in most situations?” I pray that someday I will know the answer.
Do you ever feel invisible? I hope not!
It helps to put things down in writing and share them, so thanks for reading.
This story was published in The Cotton Thread — weaving life with words. If you want to be a writer in our publication, click here.
