Learning To Enjoy Success Without Guilt Or Apologies!

The first time I heard about Imposter Syndrome was during Oscar winning actress, Viola Davis’, Post-Academy Awards interview. Although enlightened and inspired by her struggle with the condition, I remember thinking to myself, “Is this really a thing?” As it turns out, Imposter Syndrome is a very valid and sometimes debilitating condition that effects many people, often unknowingly. After further research of the topic, and a bit of self reflection, I had even identified myself as having a mild case. Even more surprisingly, conversations with close colleagues determined that I’m not the only one.

By definition, Imposter Syndrome is used to describe the constant feeling that one is undeserving of their own achievements, and worry that others will see them as a fraud. People who suffer from this condition are often reluctant to take credit for accomplishments and even fear ridicule and “exposure” by others of their unworthiness. We all know that guy at the office who makes self-deprecating jokes about his work performance whenever someone comments on his employee of the month plaque. Well deserving of the honor as a result of his hard work, but feels unworthy of the recognition he’s earned and fears others will feel the same. How many of us can relate to this scenario? I certainly can at times, which is a bit disheartening.

“Gaining recognition from others is always nice, but external validation should not be your only measure of worth.”

Now, being a woman of faith, I can’t ignore the importance of giving full credit to a gracious God, but if you’ve been blessed with a gift and worked hard to accomplish your goals, why shouldn’t you enjoy the fruits of your labor with no apologies? So, I’m challenging myself, and all those willing to accept this challenge, to do just that. Here’s how:

  1. Stop comparing yourself to others. We all have different strengths, skills, and gifts. When you constantly compare yourself to someone else’s success, you are robbing yourself of the chance to shine. Do what you do, and do it well.
  2. Recognize that we are ALL a “Work in Progress”. I remember being a graduate student in the final stages of my dissertation. After 3 long years of daunting research, analyzing data, and months of writing, I was still terrified that others in the field would reject my work as not being sufficient. Even today, I still cringe a little at requests to use my research findings, for fear that someone will disagree or accuse them of being invalid. The thing to remember is that every piece of research (and the researcher) has a margin of error. In other words, nobody’s perfect. People have different points of view, and those views don’t always compliment each other. Have you ever noticed how the morning news reports a new research finding every week? What’s believed to be healthy today, may be considered bad for you tomorrow. But that doesn’t make the original research (or the researcher) a fraud.
  3. Learn to take a compliment. Unless you work at the happiest place on earth, pats on the back aren’t given out too freely, and especially not when they’re undeserved. If you’re being recognized for your accomplishments or performance by those around you (without bribery) then chances are you actually are doing a great job. Go ahead and own it!

4. Learn to validate yourself. Gaining recognition from others is always nice, but external validation should not be your only measure of worth. Whenever you get that warm and cozy feeling that comes when you’ve reached a personal goal or put your all into something meaningful, consider that validation enough. And if others just happen to notice your awesomeness… even better!

5. Focus not on what others think of you, but how your work impacts those around you. For a brief period in my career, I counseled inmates inside a maximum security correctional facility. One of my job duties was to provide feedback at parole hearing to help determine their readiness (or not) for release. Naturally, this meant that I wasn’t always the most welcomed person in the room. I hated feeling like the “bad guy”, but I took comfort in knowing that my work was helping to protect others. As long as you can say that the world is a better place because of you, that’s all that matters.

6. Fake it till you make it. One thing I’ve discovered in life is that the higher you hold your head, the more important others think you are. Your mom was right, “If you don’t think you’re worth it, how can you expect anyone else to think so?” There will always be days when your confidence level isn’t at it’s highest, bit it’s all about attitude. If you act the part, you’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel … and how others will respond.

“But if you can say that the world is a better place because of you, that’s all that matters.”

7. Most importantly, there’s no shame in talking through your feelings with someone you trust. You’ll likely find that you’re not alone. Remember, you are always your own worst critic, so stop being so hard on yourself. Learn to succeed with no guilt and no apologies! Enjoy recognition for your accomplishments without fear and shame. Strive and reach new heights without the urge to hide behind others. I’m not talking about boastfulness or over-inflated pride here, but a simple recognition of value and self-worth. There are certainly no apologies needed for that!

If you enjoyed this post, hit the clap button and share. For more articles, life hacks, and daily inspiration, follow on Twitter @drlsfleming.

The Counselor’s Candy Dish

Many years as a counselor educator have taught me the secret to happy counseling…keeping a full candy dish! It never fails to dry tears, soften frowns, and motivate good behavior. And that was just the adults! Here you’ll find helpful and inspiring posts for the counselor in you.

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Latoria S. Fleming, Ph.D.

Written by

Counselor Educator/ Writer - Favorite quote: "Wanting to become someone else, is a waste of who you are."

The Counselor’s Candy Dish

Many years as a counselor educator have taught me the secret to happy counseling…keeping a full candy dish! It never fails to dry tears, soften frowns, and motivate good behavior. And that was just the adults! Here you’ll find helpful and inspiring posts for the counselor in you.

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