How to Cook Up a F*cked Up Adult

*The article contains graphic description of child abuse. Read at your own risk.

Ingredients:

1 Innocent Child
2 Mean Adults (preferably a father figure and mother figure)
500 grams of Physical abuse
1 kilogram of Verbal Abuse
2 cups of Emotional and Mental Trauma

Optional:
A Lifetime Prayer The Child Won’t Grow Up Like The People Who Brought Him Up

Directions:

1. Make a child of your own. The more merrier.

2. Give him all the tender loving and care while still in infancy. Don’t beat the baby — just yet.

3. When he reaches toddlerhood, start the maltreatment.

4. Bite your kid’s hands, arms, or anywhere fleshy whenever you feel like your kid is being oh sooo adorable.

5. Sprinkle a demonic laughter when the child starts to feel the pain and cry. Enjoy watching the helpless kid.

6. When he hits preschool age, beat him for being too playful. You can use a leather belt, hanger, wooden stick, slippers, or your own hand for a deeper emotional parent-child bonding.

7. Middle childhood should not in any way be easier. Beat him relentlessly for every mistake he does. He will get used to it anyway.

8. During his puberty, shame him in public for all his shortcomings: his academic grades that fluctuate from A- to B; his mistakes for not doing things right the first time; or anything you see as an excuse to knock the sh*t out of him.

9. Slap him on the street, pull his hair, kick him. Pretend like no one’s watching. It’s fun!

10. Curse him in front of his friends and other people. Dip the kid in shame until he loses the little confidence he has in himself.