Women in Power and Single (Ages 25+)
Let’s start with the basics…
Assuming that you are an independent and smart woman,
…with all jokes aside, you’re single. And, now, you’ve decided to test the waters and get ready to date again!
Your friends are getting married, babies poppin’, parents expecting such from you, worried that you’re getting too old… Societal pressures, right?
Let’s talk about you.
You’ve aced your highschool. You were good in college, nailed your damn grades, nailed your articling, and then were offered an associate’s position, a high-pressure and high-paying job… Okay, what’s your life like now?
YOU WORK — ALL THE TIME.
70-80 hours a week, flat out. You’re not allowed to make mistakes. And if your client calls you at 3pm on Sunday, you say, “I’m glad to hear from you!” Because if you don’t, there’s some hot law firm in UB ready to steal your client in a moment’s notice.
What happens next is: you quit…
Because who in their right mind wants to live like that? Once you make about ₮2–5 Million per month, additional income makes almost ZERO impact on your quality of life. So, what’s the point in working 80 hours per week?
According to Jordan Peterson, chances are, you will get married by 30, and probably have a husband who makes as much or more money than you. So, you don’t need more damn money and work your bones. That’s why you get a 9-to-5 or controllable job, have some kids, and HAVE A LIFE!
As you reach closer to 30, family becomes substantially more important than career. It makes perfect sense.
Back to dating.
So, you wanna search for the right guy starting age 25. But, is your smartness turning men away?
You might be wondering “Are men turned off by intelligent women?” Some do. Not the best ones though!
What is intelligence, when it can take on different shapes and sizes? You can be musical (sound smart), logical (number/reasoning smart), interpersonal (people smart), linguistic (word smart), and etc.
secret tip 1: choose someone who compliments your talents, and aims toward the same goals.
According to the dating community, men usually encounter several types of intelligent women:
1. The pompous academic — one who uses intelligence as her weapon, uses words that no one can relate to, and makes everyone feel stupid. Narcissistic, entitled, and always fond of her own liking… Meh!
2. The sarcastic, cutting comedian — one who doesn’t necessarily portray a deep knowledge in one area, but who’s wit and speed of mind can make others feel slow. Meh!
However, best one:
3. The socially intelligent — one who has a natural speed of mind. When it comes to talking to people, she is able to read the room, know her audience. She always know the kind of convos to be having around different people — she can talk with the intellectual elites, be curious, be interested and interesting; or she can use more base terms with everyone else and just have fun, be silly, and be entertaining. She knows how to make others feel great!
Now that you’ve identified your personality, how do you find and keep the guy? Here are the basics:
According to Dale Carnegie, there are three golden rules to social success:
- Never criticize — Once you yell at him for not buttoning his shirt correctly, you’ve put him on defensive mode, put him on the spot (fight-or-flight mode), lowered his confidence; when done repeatedly, he’ll do anything to jump out the window. You may win the argument, but you will lose him.
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain — and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” -Dale Carnegie
- Give honest appreciation — Appreciation is one of the most powerful tools in the world. He will rarely work at his maximum potential under criticism, but honest appreciation will bring out his best.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want — To get what you want from him, you must forget your own perspective and begin to see things from his point of view.
secret tip 2: the secret to having a happy marriage is to marry someone who’s already happy, so you don’t need to change him/her. -Mel Robbins
Start with yourself, even if it may be hard in this internet age where people compare lives or feel lonely on Fridays. You have achieved so much in life already, you can achieve this one too!
Be happy with yourself.
Then, at one unexpected moment, you’ll find — the charmer. The modern prince charming sounds more like this: (1) you are physically attracted to him, (2) he is great with kids, (3) he has the financial capabilities, and (4) he is as smart as you are. Sounds good?
While you’re reading this: If you notice anything you might be doing wrong, forget about dating for now.
Just work on yourself. Learn to be happy and single. Get to know you, because we often ask, “What’s your hobby and passion?” from others, but not from ourselves. Hence, we don’t even know what we want in life.
Self-talk game: not strong, haha.
Again, if you’re not happy yet, work on yourself. Please do not look to marry prematurely, pop kids, and divorce! You don’t want this; no one marries just to get divorced. Choose right from the beginning, in case you’re looking towards marriage one day.
The happiest people always seem to choose the right people. Why? Because they are happy! Simple.
Time for science to back that up:
Happy people got positive RAS (“Reticular Activation System” as called in psychology). Let me explain:
Remember when you fought with your ex, after the honeymoon phase had ended after a year or so? You’ve started arguing because he didn’t clean the house, asked you annoying questions, and he was a stinker, yara-yara-yara? Once you focused on the negative, you’ve SCREAMED all the negative things about him, one after the other.
However, once you focus on the good side, all you can do is focus on and GLAMORIZE the positives, the colorful, and the happy-highs — about how much he takes care of you, how much effort he puts into your well-being, and how nice it was to receive those flowers out-of-the-blue. It’s wonderful how the mind works!
secret tip 3: pick someone who pays attention — small moments of positive attention. at the end, it’s all about the small things… 🌱
Go ahead and enjoy life!