“There is no ONE. There are some good Ones, there are a lot of bad Ones, but there is no ONE.”
Many a man would come across a romanticized idealization that there is a perfect mate for each individual, and as soon as we digest this phenomenon, we come to believe that we are made for one another.
This Disney-esque fantasy that we all know and love growing up paralyzes our vision into seeing our own true potential. We seem to think of this phenomenon as a religious testament that time and time again has been integrated into many religious doctrines as the feminization of western culture has spread.
The premise of the Soulmate paradox is that there is only ONE perfect mate for any single individual and as much as a lifetime can and should in search of this nonexistent “ soulmate”.
It’s healthy to differentiate a mutually respected relationship from a disproportionately lopsided imperative based relationship.
It has come to my realization that the idea of “The One” is a mere unhealthy psychological dependency in search of what seems to be lacking from within our collective unconscious. It’s a terrible thing to even consider that this has been a normalized ideology when looking for a long term relationship.
What’s terrifying even more is that nobody has corrected this norm. Sometimes people are lucky enough to see things on their own through personal experience, but the fact still remains, people believe in things they find comfort in. It is a bitter pill that is easy to swallow. In other words, a person that believes in a structured approach to combat his/her own uncertainty despite knowing how foolish it may be is none the wiser.
The idea of finding “The One” is self-destructive for it births insecurity while a person is single, and potentially endangers the welfare of a relationship. The idea of “The One” is nothing but a sigh of relief that could fix themselves through the other’s idealized qualities. This belief is an over-the-counter remedy from the true neurosis, which is the lack of Self and how much it thinks it lacks.
It might come off as nihilistic, but the truth of the matter is that this idealization is the root of all insecurity. It is nothing but an ego investment on the believer as this mindset only cements into the understanding that there is something lacking from an individual point of view.
Considering it as nihilistic as one might have him believe to be is far off from what it truly is. If anything, escaping from this loophole mindset will create the freedom to have a better understanding of what is genuinely important — a relationship based on genuine desire, mutual respect, complementary understanding of each other, rather than based on a fear of losing The One.
Being able to confront one’s own limitations grants access to what we really want out of the other, while being able to freely choose who we associate ourselves with.
The Truth hates the soulmate paradox because the soulmate is an absolute definition of the be-all, end-all. However, reality always seeks perfection through idealism. It’s what idealism is all about, nothing but thoughts that suggest potential. In reality, we always have the option, the freedom to choose. Having power over our own choices eliminates the very root of this schema. Otherwise, if we continue to subscribe to old paradigms and patterns, we are leaving our choices to our own Disneyfied idealizations.
The Truth is always in constant search for who The One should be, whereas the soulmate paradox contests by arguing that each person that’s been through an emotional investment with the other must be The One. We want to fool ourselves by building our relationships into this paradox in order to free ourselves from our own enslavement of not being able to steer our own roads. We fool ourselves because it is the easy route. It lacks actual engagement for personal development.
The soulmate paradox is nothing but ridiculous. It’s psychologically more constructive to think that this paradox fulfills a sense of completion. People that subscribe to this ideology never really see what lies outside the matrix and we cannot blame anyone but ourselves.
To see is to believe, but to believe in something and act upon what we already know is false creates power over our own actions. There is nothing more gratifying than being able to escape from these chains. Building our own roads and steering them ourselves leads to higher mountains.
